Mean Gene

And Don't Forget...

2007-07-31T12:55:00.000-04:00

I guess I'll take one last opportunity to remind everyone who finds their way here that I've moved my online home over to GeneBromberg.com. Tell your friends, your readers, random people you meet on the street. Dammit, do my bidding!

Poker Letter

2007-07-31T12:46:00.000-04:00

If you're looking for info on deposit bonuses, freerolls and poker room reviews I invite you to check out Poker Letter, which contains info on those subjects as well as a blog and articles about poker.

Remember, I Moved!

2007-07-09T17:20:00.000-04:00

Yes, I knew I said I wouldn't be posting here anymore, but since when is my word good? Actually this is just a reminder that I've moved my blog over to GeneBromberg.com, and that my new site is absolutely fabulous and you will just love it. So I hope you'll check it out, link to it, pimp it, tell your friends about it...just do my bidding, OK!

Another New Toy; or, Moving Day

2007-06-20T16:21:00.000-04:00

I started this blog back on December 8th, 2003. Cranked out about 700 posts here, hundreds of thousands of words, some of them even arranged in coherent order. Thanks to these pages I've met dozens of fantastic people, scored some ridiculous writing gigs, and had a whole lotta fun.

And with this post, all that comes to an end.

Yes, this will be the last post here at Mean Gene.

Oh, no need to panic, I'm not going to stop blogging! Oh, you weren't panicking? Darn, I thought there'd at least be some wailing and gnashing of teeth. But I hope you'll forgive the dramatics and start reading my stuff at my new site, the utterly fabulous GeneBromberg.com. Yes, I'm now a dot.com. Only 10 years too behind the curve.

I've been thinking about switching away from my current URL for a couple of years now. But now that I'm writing for a living I wanted to have a more professional-looking site I could show to the world. So I asked Cindy Closkey at Big Big Design to build me the site of my dreams and she and her brother Anthony got cracking. It's ready, other than the usual last-minute touches I'll take care of over the next week or so. It's time for me to take WordPress for a test drive and leave my beloved Blogger.com behind.

At the moment the tagline for the new site is "More Than a Poker Blog", and while I might change that I don't mean it as an insult the poker blogs out there. But I plan on writing about a lot more than just poker on the new site (which I did here as well) and I'm hoping people will have an easier time finding me and reading my work at my new digs. We'll see.

I hope you'll bookmark my new site and subscribe to the feeds and keep reading my stuff. If you look the site over and there's anything you don't like about it, or something you DO like about it, or if you have any opinions to share, I'd love to hear 'em. You can just leave a comment or email me at gene@genebromberg.com. Like I said, I'll be tweaking it here and there (the picture of me and Ernie on the front page WILL be changed) so it's not quite the finished product.

But then, this blog never was never a finished product either. Until today. See yinz at the new site.

My New Toy

2007-06-19T14:51:00.000-04:00

Because I've been a good boy I decided to treat myself. A lot of professional poker players (and professional poker writers) have these so-cool Bose noise-canceling headphones. I tried Garry's the other day and, oh my God. The blessed sound of silence. It's amazing. You can still hear people talking, but the exhausting background noise of everyday life is just...gone. It's beautiful.

Since I spend so much time writing I thought that a gizmo like this would be a wise investment. Plus...it's really cool! So I splurged and bought myself a pair yesterday. To say that I love them in no way adequately describes the depth of feeling I have for them. And look how cool they make me look!

Bitches!!!

2007-06-19T02:39:00.001-04:00

Long, fun day off. More later. Sleep now.

Represent

2007-06-14T01:21:00.000-04:00

I thought yesterday would be an easy day. I thought wrong. So far I've felt almost bulletproof but Wednesday was a left hook I didn't see coming. We're trying to process a vast amount of information in a brief period of time and it was one of those days where it felt like someone was standing on my throat. But I only worked 8 hours so it almost felt like a day off. I got a fairly good night's sleep and I should be ready to hit the Rio this afternoon and crank it out like a beast.

I've been trying to get up and walk around the Amazon Room a bit so I can get an idea of what the hell is actually going on. I've been pleased to see a good bit of Black and Gold and Blue and White about the place.

Apologies for the poor quality of the photos, the lighting in there is tricky and besides, I'm a lousy photographer. Something to work on for the future.

The Big Time

2007-06-13T13:43:00.000-04:00

So yesterday I was assigned to cover my first WSOP Final Table, the $5,000 Limit Hold-Em World Championship. Big event. 5K. World Championship. I was looking forward to sitting in ESPN's Final Table arena with all the bright lights and cameras. Dressed up nice, just in case one of those cameras happened to linger over lil 'ol me.

Well, turns out that ESPN doesn't think much of Limit Hold-Em. Instead of playing in the fancy new poker stadium, the Worldwide Leader decided to shoot a commercial there yesterday. Meaning the nine players contesting the $333K first prize and the bracelet had to play in a table shoehorned between the massive arena and the forbidding black curtains of "The Box", the sequestered final table where the Ladies Championship was played.

The players didn't like it. They were told they'd be playing in the arena, and then they show up and they might as well be playing in a closet. The rail was, oh, 16 inches away from the table. Fortunately the spectators were a pleasant lot (and, for the most part, Norwegian, as Thor Hansen and William Thorsson made it to the final four). As for me, conditions were less than ideal. It was so cramped that I didn't have a table to write on--I had to rest my laptop on my lap. There were no electrical outlets where I was sitting, and when I tried sitting near The Box where there WERE outlets I was told by security that no electronic devices were permitted anywhere near it. Of course, six hours later there were two women from ESPN chatting on cell phones while leaning against the curtain, but whattya gonna do?

Of course yesterday was the one day I didn't bring the extra battery for my laptop. I figured there would be plenty of power in the arena. So as my laptop died I had to run through the Stud/8 event, which attracted lots of big-name players and therefore lots of gawkers, to plug in. And then run back to grab updates. It wasn't an ideal situation.

But we persevered, covered the event, and I got go home early. An eight-hour day almost seems like a day off, though it was pretty hectic. And now it's time to head back to the Rio. Only 34 more days to go!

We're Almost Engaged

2007-06-11T19:23:00.000-04:00

I'm charging Liz Lieu's iPod with my computer. Cool, huh? It'd probably be more cool if she'd actually been the one to bring it over, but she's probably a bit shy and all.

In other news of galactic self-delusion, I'm thinking more and more about maybe playing a World Series event. I know, Je suis argent mort. But you try sitting here day after day, hearing the clatter of chips, and not daydream about playing. Playing, instead of writing. Doing, instead of watching. We'll see how strong this desire to sack up and sit down is over the next few days. My brain might just be a bit on the crispy side is all.

Massaging the Information

2007-06-09T19:42:00.001-04:00

I think I should point out that I've been posting WSOP stuff over at the UltimateBetBlog too. Including something I wrote today about the most important discovery I've made about poker so far at the World Series.

Very Random Stuff

2007-06-08T13:33:00.000-04:00

I was actually pretty wired and hungry after I left the Amazon Room at 5AM on Friday so I grabbed a burger and a beer and played video poker for all of fifteen minutes when this happened:

I'm not quite in Richard Brodie territory, but still.

I won't be able to attend the Blogger festivities this weekend, as I already had my day off for this...month. No, I'm sure I'll get some other downtime as well. I feel good both mentally and physically, though I'm sure I'll be tested by today's $1,500 NL H0ld-Em event. The first of these cheap NL events had 2,998 players, and while I can't imagine this field will be as big there's a line stretching back from the Registration area. Gonna be a zoo.

So, back to work. I've been slacking with my posting here but I'll pick it up. Lots of fun stuff to write about. But after writing about poker on my laptop for 14 hours about the last goddam thing I wanna do when I get home is write about poker on my laptop. I'm sure you understand.

Crazy Day

2007-06-06T15:05:00.000-04:00

I worked the 5PM tournament at the WSOP yesterday, $1,500 Omaha Hi-Lo. Ugh. Split-pot games are a challenge. You watch a hand, a big pot builds...and then it's chopped up. And a chopped pot, with very few exceptions (there was one at the final table filmed yesterday) is not dramatic. By the end of the day the guys I worked with yesterday had glazed eyes and were mumbling, "You can't believe how many chopped pots I've watched."

But if the action at the tables lacked suspense early in the tournament, the insanity going on outside more than made up for it. The tournament was held in the "Poker Pavilion" that Harrah's built outside next to the Amazon Room. It's a big tent that holds around 60 tables, and we've had some problems with it before. Like, we can't connect to the 'Net out there. I picked up the signal all right, but like everyone else I couldn't get anything to load.

I found myself wondering if the wind had anything to do with it. Because the wind had been HOWLING all day through Vegas. When Dan and I left yesterday morning two palm trees outside the condo were bent nearly in half, and, to pointedly demonstrate the wind's power, somebody's Yellow Pages had blown off their stoop and was now sitting in the middle of the road.

And that wind was still blowing as I sat in the Pavilion trying to get a signal. The fabric walls were rippling, the light fixtures above the tables were swaying, and it was pretty noisy in there. This picture just gives you some idea of what the place looks like:

So I set up shop inside and the young guys we have to get the hands and chip counts and bring them to me say that the players inside the tent are FURIOUS about the conditions. The structure is creaking and moaning and the lights are dancing and every time someone opens the doors the wind rushes in and does unfortunate things like blow cards over. You could only get in through the front doors because the others had signs on them like this:

So I'm writing stuff up and one of our runners says, "You gotta come see this, it's total chaos>" I run out there, go inside, and, holy crap. The whole structure, including the metal supports and pillars and crossbeams, is shaking and swaying. As I wrote in an update for PokerNews, it was like being inside some kind of funhouse attraction, like if they're trying to simulate an earthquake.

The players did not like this, not one bit. "Let's go play down at Bellagio!" one player shouted, and from what the guys told me the level of displeasure had been far worse a bit earlier.

Harrah's finally made the only call they could--they sent everyone on dinner break and found room for the remaning players indoors. They'd been moving tables as fast as they could break them in the Amazon Room, but there were 2 huge tournaments going on along with cash games and satellites and empty tables didn't fill up fast enough. By the time we got back from dinner, they'd found room.

And not a second too soon, as a big section of the wall in the rear-left portion of the tent tore away, leaving a huge hole. I don't want to think about what would've happened had the players still been inside at the time.

After than insanity the day ran out quietly. We got down to about 180 players and hopefully there will be interesting action to report. Though not quite as interesting as yesterday, as Dan's friend Tom Schneider won the bracelet in $2,500 Omaha/Stud Hi-Lo. As you might expect they were out partying and I took a cab home from the Rio around 3:30AM and lucked into a chatty driver who made the ride fairly pleasant. I gave her the address and she said, "Wow, I don't think I've ever gone that far out on Blue Diamond before". The condo isn't THAT far out, but I guess it's a bit remote. Dan is probably sleeping in his car at the Rio as we speak so I might be calling her again to get a ride in. At least she knows where our place is.

The Comforts of Home

2007-06-05T15:41:00.000-04:00

When I'm home, that's where I work--from home. The dining room is my office, the kitchen my cafeteria. There are times when I get a touch of cabin fever and I go to the library to write, but for the most part I like working from my apartment. It's a cozy little place that suits me.

One thing I enjoy most about working from home (aside from staggering around all day without taking a shower) is that I can take a break from work to catch up on whatever domestic chores need done. I can throw on a load of laundry, get back to the computer, and feel doubly productive. And after I work up a sweat writing posts and folding towels, I like to reward myself by making myself something special for breakfast.

Once a week or so I'll make myself a cheese omelet, one of the great comfort foods of my childhood. Actually, it still is--if I go to my parents' house to help with something or just for a visit my Mom will often say, "I'll make you a cheese omelet." So once I got set up in the flat I bought myself a non-stick pan and worked on my technique. I don't make 'em as good as she does, heavens knows, but they ain't too bad.

So here I am in Vegas, thousands of miles from home, working long hours under borderline-insane conditions. I'm actually enjoying the frantic pace (when it's not too frantic) and so far I've been able to keep an even keel and not get too crispy around the edges. The fact the AC was blasting forth when we got home last night helped.

But I thought it might be a good idea to remind myself of the sedate domestic bliss I enjoy in Pittsburgh by re-creating them here in the condo. With Dan out running errands I sorted my laundry and decided to wash some clothes. Turns out that the washing machine is so huge that, if you removed the agitator, you could use it for a hot tub. Or if you're into, uh, stuff, you could just go ahead and leave the agitator in. Totally up to you.

So I was able to load it up and get that going while I made some breakfast. Craig bought 18 eggs during our first provision run and I thought today was the day to break them in (get it! break them in...Sweet Jesus.). First of all I had to find out if the kitchen had the equipment required to manufacture an omelet. What I found was, I hoped, adequate:

I didn't have my beloved non-stick pan, nor the silicone spatula that's never let me down in the past. So I got to cracking eggs and stirring them in the purple-glass bowls we have here (the beaten eggs didn't provide an appetizing color juxtaposition) and heated the pan. It looked kinda non-stick...so I tossed in some butter to be sure and introduced the eggs.

I hadn't cooked on a gas stove for about a year and I don't think the pan was quite hot enough. And then the eggs started sticking. Not too bad, I was careful to sweep and stir and not let them cook too fast, but things didn't turn out too well. I added the cheese, did some folding and flipping, and what I ended up with wasn't so much a light, fluffy omelet but a thick egg loaf:

Tasted OK, though. And the laundry is a-tumbling away downstairs, so all is right with the world. Because I'm scheduled late tonight I'll be working into the wee hours, so this little bit or normalcy should help me stay grounded during what is shaping up as a brain-warping seven weeks. I got to work yesterday...and Pardon the Interruption was showing on the plasma screens ringing the Amazon Room. I used to get home from work just as PTI was coming on. I think I'll be trying out my omelet-making skills a few more times while I'm in Vegas.

The Glamor, The Glitz

2007-06-04T14:38:00.000-04:00

I got home from the Rio around 2:30 in the morning, my ass dragging a bit. But not too bad, I've stocked up on sleep the last few days and I felt pretty good.

Until I walked through the front door.

It was hot.

Not warm. Hot.

The air conditioning in our condo crapped out. Yes, I tried fiddling with the buttons on the thermostat. I fiddled and diddled and fashizzled and nothing happened. It was 84 degrees in my bedroom at 3AM. It's 90 in the living room right now. What am I gonna do--open a window? Sure. I walked out on our balcony and it's like a kiln.

Allegedly someone is coming to work on it, but they've been here twice to fix our spotty Internet service and that hasn't panned out yet. I've been able to piggyback on some fleeting signal bouncing around the hills but you can't depend on it.

Of course I knew that coming out here wouldn't be all showgirls and Sinatra, but having no AC last night was a body blow. Dan's trying to grab a few extra winks at the moment, but I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep. I'm just drinking lots of cold liquids (non-alcoholic, unfortunately) and hope that this gets fixed before I get home tonight/tomorrow.

Here's a quick pick of my work station at the Rio. It's a lot more comfortable (and practical) than it looks:

I got up and walked around a bit to see what the hell was actually going on in the tournament I'm covering and I saw Shannon Elizabeth (who'd just been eliminated) talking to Michael Craig. He just had his first WSOP cash and I wanted to congratulate him and, besides, I'm a fan (even if he's the competition and I've sworn to crush him like a grape).

He was talking to Shannon and they were going to walk out of the tournament room together, and I thought it would be extremely bad form to butt in at that precise moment. But a few starstruck guys stopped her on the way to get their pictures taken so I tapped him on the shoulder, introduced myself and offered a quick "well done". I might've been the only person in the room who, seeing Shannon Elizabeth and Michael Craig standing side-by-side thought, "Hey, I should go talk to him." No offense meant.

And yes, Shannon Elizabeth is quite pretty.

At one point during the night a guy playing in the Omaha Hi-Lo/Stud-8 tournament (I get a headache just thinking of it) had three young ladies in slinky dresses stop by and chat with him. He got them chairs and had them sit near his table--and right behind me. I'm not sure what his relationship to them was (one thanked him for getting them their room) but the four of them took the time to chat at very high volume about their favorite TV show--"Extreme Makeover". One girl said that Ty Pennington had come into a place in Venice Beach where she used to bartend, and that he's only about five-ten.

After he went back to the table the talk continued to center around Ty:

"I thought he was gay."
"Isn't he gay?"
"I heard he was."
"Gay?"
"I thought he was."

Etc, etc, etc. They sat directly behind me and I used my monk-like powers of concentration to focus on my tasks. The player came over later and chatted with them again, and while I didn't hear what he said to prompt this one of the girls said, "I don't think that's going to be in the cards...no pun intended!" This, they all seemed to agree, was one of the Funniest Things Ever Said. I was sad to see them go.

I have to be at the Rio by two, so I'll go throw a bucket of ice water on Michalski to rouse him from what must be an uneasy sleep and start to get ready. It's 91, now, and I went to the window to look outside and the floor is almost too hot to stand on in bare feet. Vegas, baby.

Sipping From the Fire Hose

2007-06-02T10:52:00.000-04:00

The first day of the World Series was about as I expected--nuts. People, everywhere. Standing in line, standing in the aisles, standing around. I sat at a table just outside the poker area and furiously wrote hand updates and chip counts as our floor reporters brought them in. At times it was a bit crazy, but everything was totally under control. We put A LOT of info out there yesterday. This is what it looked like from my seat:

Of course you've heard about the huge controversy about the new style of cards Harrah's introduced this year--cards the players hated. HATED. To the point where there was yelling and swearing and demands for refunds. Harrah's started swapping out decks last night, I don't know if they replaced them all before things ended last night, but it wasn't a good start to the Series. The first hand wasn't completely before Hell broke loose. Not good.

Nor were the long, long, LONG lines outside the Amazon Room. We heard from people who had to wait for 4 hours to register for the casino employee's tournament. When I left last night around 9PM there was still a line that stretched around the corner and down a long hallway. Wanna play in a WSOP event? Either register early, or load up on patience. Because, brother, you are going to WAIT.

Fortunately I'm working with talented, hard-working people who don't take themselves or the game too seriously. It's fun. Yesterday the stress level was bracing--I don't know how that'll change today, what with the $5K Mixed Hold-Em event playing down to the final table and the super-mondo $1.5K NL event starting today. If yesterday was a zoo, today will be an asylum, as the fish and donkeys and home game heroes descend on the Rio to find out if it's their turn to become overnight (well, over three nights) sensations.

It's a bit odd walking around and hearing spectators and even some players exclaim "That's Chris Ferguson! That's Doyle Brunson!" when they see a famous pro. If you get that excited just SEEING someone you recognize from TV, how the heck can you PLAY against them? Truth be told, it would really affect me. I'd either be paying so much attention to the big-name pro that I couldn't concentrate, or I'd be trying so hard NOT to pay attention to them (because I'm so cool) that I couldn't concentrate.

For example, as I was walking around taking a few pictures Jennifer Harman was standing in the aisle and she turned and walked toward me. Let's not forget, this is her workplace. She makes a living doing this. And not only does she have to contend with the people at the table, but she has spectators watching her and media people snapping her picture and asking questions...I'm sure it gets old, fast. So she started walking toward me and I toward her and we exchanged one of those millisecond smiles two people share when they're stepping on the same elevator. She probably has to do that kinda crap a thousand times a day, wondering if THIS is the person who will ask for a photo or an autograph or just HAS to wish her good luck. I'm sure it's something you get used to, to a certain extent, but it has to wear over time.

I really never had any desire to become a professional player (nor, to be honest, the talent or dedication or heart...now I'm getting depressed) and yesterday proved to me that not wanting to be a pro is nothing to be ashamed of. They've got their gig--I've got mine. It's all about making the choices that are right for you, baby.

Looking forward to today, even if it'll probably be insane. I think we did a pretty kickass job yesterday...we just need 46 more kickass days in a row!

I need to take some better pictures, but here are two players who caught my eye, for obvious reasons. Don't know if they're still in the the tournament, or if they're from Pittsburgh at all. I should've asked but they'd started up again and I didn't want to bother them during the course of play.

So, yesterday we sipped from the fire hose. With today's certain-to-be HUGE field, we'll be taking a good, long drink. Gonna be a long day, and hopefully a good one. Will definitely eat a big breakfast. I think I'll need it.

Here We Go

2007-06-01T11:08:00.000-04:00

Yes, the World Series of Poker starts today, and yes, I'm nervous. Keyed up. Want to get started, want to do the kick-ass job this event deserves. I'd like to think that I know what I'm about to get mixed up in...but in truth I probably have no idea. I'll just have to experience it for myself.

Checked out of the Imperial Palace yesterday and as I waited for Craig to get the keys to the condo and swing by to pick me up I played a little video poker to pass the time. After I dropped twenty bucks a pretty blonde woman asked if I was waiting to play $1-2 NL. It didn't sound like a pickup line and I said, no, I was just hanging out. The poker room was actually empty, but a bit later the woman and a guy wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses started playing heads-up, and the brush asked if I wanted to join the game. I passed. Short-handed NL is not a game I want to get involved in when my mind is elsewhere, even for those stakes.

So I played my video poker, missed a royal flush draw that had me licking my chops, and quickly dropped sixty bucks. I moved to a different bar to see if that might change my luck (plus the poker game had expanded to four players and I was getting twitchy) and this happened:

Yes, dem's quads, bitches. And to prove my self-control I cashed out right then and there, breaking even for the day. I went up to the sports book and watched the French Open until Craig arrived.

We drove to the Rio to check out the scene, and they were still fine-tuning the place. It's really a gorgeous room, all those tables, all that felt. And they have these HUGE posters of the former World Champions ringing the place, it's an impressive sight.

As is the final table area, which is tucked in a back corner that we couldn't get close to. It was good to at least see the place where I'll be spending so many hours over the next 47 (!) days. And especially good to get my press pass ahead of time. I think that's going to prove to be one of the best moves we'll make, because it took a good bit of time and today is going to be chaos.

The other smart move we made came last night, as we were driving from the condo to look for a place to eat. The place is further out than I expected, but it's a straight shot, the biggest impediment is the construction near a strip mall and lots of red lights. There's this lonely patch of road with nothing but scrub and abandoned trailers and I half expected to see a lone coyote howling at the moon.

We were going to head to a sports bar in one of this developments when Craig hit the brakes hard after just a few hundred yards. "Montana Meat Company" he read off a neon sign to our left. The sign said they offered steaks and gaming, a good combination, and a crowded parking lot gave me confidence. It turned out to be an important discovery--my Kobe burger was excellent, the steak fries sizzling, and the nachos we ordered were excellent too. And they have Bass Ale on tap. We could almost walk to the place, and I think we'll be visiting there many times during the next 2 months. Especially as they serve breakfast 24/7.

The condo is very nice, and as always other people's decor decisions can be puzzling. Fortunately I brought my silk leopard-print pajamas, so I fit in nicely with my bed:

But it's a nice place, quiet (other than the inevitable construction going on across the road). And nice scenery, surrounded as we are by mountains.

I tried to get a photo of the moon hanging low over the mountains, but they didn't turn out. And I'll try to post other interesting photos here over the next month-and-a-half. I'm sure I'll snap a few. But now, there's a grindstone out there calling for my nose. Time to get to work.

Ominous Clouds Gather!

2007-05-30T12:27:00.000-04:00

I nearly conked out last night at 9PM, not good. I'm trying to get my circadian rhythms set for Pacific time and that wouldn't have helped. So I brushed my teeth, combed my hair, and headed down to the IP's new poker room. Priority #1 was to stay awake till at least midnight. Number two was to win the money.

The good news is that I stayed up till 12:30! The bad news is that I dropped a hundred bucks playing $2-4 limit. I just wanted a nice friendly game where I didn't have to use my brain, and that's what I got. Had a good time, folks were nice, dealers were friendly. Had a couple of beers too. Well, more than a couple. Five, I think.

But the cards! They smote me! Things started off poorly when I hit top two against a guy who flopped a set. Then I flopped trip nines and built a nice pot...until the attractive blonde in the one seat also turned over J-9. "You play that garbage?" she actually said to me.

Four times I had AK and lost thrice. A guy rivered a gutshot on me. I had a guy on the hook with aces when I made 2 pair with QJ, but the board paired fours and another big pot eluded me. Not once all night did I hit a draw, even on the last hand when I tossed in my little all with an open-ender.

But I managed to stay up "late" and enjoyed myself. Mission Accomplished.

Raging Solo...Minus the Rage

2007-05-29T20:41:00.000-04:00

Since this was my last free day before I put on my hardhat and boots and descend into the mines, I decided to play tourist again and wander among the big casinos. Eight hours later, I think I might've overdone it. A bit.

Especially as I overdid it a bit yesterday as well. Somehow I didn't see Caesar's Palace the last time I was in Vegas, so that was the first place I hit. I checked out the hushed stillness of their poker room, but the silence was rudely broken by my stomach's growling. I realized I hadn't eaten in about 15 hours and so I went foraging.

When I walked past Bobby Flay's Mesa Grill I froze in my tracks. The day I had the worst hangover of my life I lay in bed, so very, very sick, watching a show about Flay getting the Mesa Grill ready for opening. Since then I've always equated that eatery with abject misery. Could I really pass up the chance to put that horror behind me? I also hadn't eaten for 15 hours, so in I went.

I had a nice meal there, though the Mesa Burger wasn't anything extra-special. The horseradish mustard was hot enough to clear the sinuses, but the fries, nicely seasoned as they were, disappointed. They specialize in margaritas, and since I think I've had maybe 2 margaritas in my life I put myself in the hands of Ben and Ashley, who were tending the bar. What they presented me with was pretty doggone good, though I'm not an expert on the subject.

I was told that Jennifer Love Hewitt was supposed to lunch there later that afternoon, and while I was tempted to stick around, my wanderlust won out. Not that I recall where I went after that...maybe back to the IP, where I played in their 2PM tournament. I brayed my way to the final table, playing such horrid poker that I wanted to put a bag over my head. I finished 10th, my shortstack skills doing me no good when my A-4 ran into A-J.

Feeling the need to wander again I moseyed over to the Bellagio. I looked in the poker room to see if Linda was dealing, and when I didn't spot her I found a comfy chair in the sports book and watched Game 1 of the Stanley Cup Finals. Sitting in one place for more than two hours did my feet some good, as did the three beers I drank, and when I wandered back I searched the room again, and there she was. I almost didn't recognize her without the cornrows she had in Aruba. I didn't think I should go up and bother her at work, especially as I'm the bashful sort. Plus, I'd had a few. As you can probably tell from this pretty awful photo:

I planned on playing some poker after I got back to the IP, but I just didn't have it in me. I blew forty bucks on slots in about fifteen seconds before I decided to head up to the room. I'm trying to get my body on Vegas time so I stayed up past midnight before I surrendered and got under the sheets.

After eight hours solid I was up and ready to head north. I'd never visited the Mirage before--I liked, very much. Visited Treasure Island before hopping across the road to the Wynn. Wow. Wowie wow-wow. I wasn't just impressed, I was gobsmacked. It's a beautiful place.

This might've been due to the fact that, again, I hadn't eaten in about 15 hours. While skipping a few (hundred) meals might do me some good, I decided to allow myself some nourishment:

I drank my Pilsner Urquell in the Parasol Lounge, which was a pretty nice place to drink a beer in solitude and contemplate the Meaning of Life, and other weighty topics:

I reluctantly left the Wynn and headed toward the Venetian, which required me to walk a good distance outside. The sun felt good--at first. And then it started sucking the moisture out of my brain. Hydration, I think, will be important over the next seven weeks.

The Venetian was pretty awesome too, though I can't see myself ever going for a gondola ride. Even in Venice, I don't think I'd want to do that. Not for fun, anyway. To get from point A to point B, sure. But not for kicks.

OK, this has gone on far too long already. After that I headed back to the IP, and after checking my email saw that the WPT's Mandalay Bay event was going on at, uh, Mandalay Bay. So why not head up there and see what I could see? I didn't have a press pass and I wasn't supposed to be covering it, but what does a poker reporter do? He heads for where the action is!

Thing is, I still hadn't eaten. I thought about stopping to grab a bite at a half-dozen places, but I never did. I wanted to get there first--food could wait. And like the 40-watt bulb I am I didn't decide that until I was past the Bally's monorail stop. So I walked all the way up to the frickin' MGM in the burning sun, crossed over to Excalibur, and rode the tram to Mandalay Bay. By now my brain was so parched I was only operating at about 50% of peak.

They have the tournament set up right in the middle of the casino, and the gawkers were out in force. One guy spotted Barry Greenstein sitting near the ropes and was so surprised he dragged his buddy over. I walked around, seeing lots of faces I recognized from TV and from Aruba. I guess I could've identified myself and maybe been allowed inside the ropes to do a little reporting of my own, but again, I was dehydrated and hungry. And my feet and back hurt. I was pretty much a mess.

And then, as I nearly completed my first circuit, I saw Isabelle Mercier sitting at a table with Erik Seidel and the Grinder. I didn't swoon, I didn't burst into joyful tears. I was cool. I smiled at her, but she didn't smile back because I was behind her. I didn't think now was a good time to introduce myself. Not with all that security around.

I took a couple of pics of her, none of which came out at all. Nor did the pic I took of World Champion Jamie Gold chomping down on a hoagie. I need to learn a bit about photography.

After that, I surrendered. I rode the tram back to Excalibur...and then couldn't find out how best to get back to the MGM for the monorail. After twenty minutes of circling I said the hell with it and walked out into the sunlight. I was actually at the rear of Excalibur, so I couldn't see the MGM to get my bearings. "Biggest goddam hotel in the world, I'm a half-mile away, and I can't even SEE the goddam place," I fumed. I did more fuming as I followed a half-dozen pretty Japanese women who walked in a staggered line and kept me from passing them as they zombie-marched along the sidewalk. I took Japanese in college, I wish I remembered how to say, "Get the (deleted) outta my way!".

It took about 15 minutes hiking through MGM to the monorail stop, after a brief pause at the poker room to reminisce about the good time I had there during my visit two Decembers ago for the blogger get-together. Finally reached the monorail stop, the monorail finally arrived, I finally made it back to the IP, I finally got some food and drink in me. And then, I started writing this.

And now I'm done. Not sure what I'm gonna do the rest of the evening. But a trip to the Stratosphere is out. Oh, jeez, I didn't even tell about my aborted attempt to walk to the Rio. Let's just say, I don't know if you can get there from here. And if you can, I wasn't about to find out. Not when I was walking and saw a sign on the on-ramp for SALT LAKE CITY. Yeah, that can't be good. I guess I'll see enough of the Rio over the next 47 or so days.

Memorial Day

2007-05-28T13:26:00.001-04:00

Before you head out to a picnic or the park or even the couch to watch whatever ballgame is on, read this Op/Ed from Andrew Bacevich, whose son was killed in Iraq on May 13th.

Go West, Still Moderatly Young Man

2007-05-27T06:07:00.000-04:00

Sitting at my gate, waiting for the plane that will take me to Cinci, and thence to Vegas. As always before I fly I'm a bit freaked, but the freaking-level goes down with every flight. I'm pretty much beat, especially after the little adventure I had last night. See, I thought I left my cell phone in the pocket of some shorts I washed. And then after getting wet up to my elbows rummaging around for it I couldn't find the damn thing. Turned out it fell under the seat in my car...but it caught on the springs underneath and hung there, just out of the reach of my frantically-searching hands. Great way to kick off the expedition.

Had a very nice breakfast (eggs, bacon, ham, hash browns, toast, coffee). No beer--I told you I'm getting better at flying.

It still hasn't hit me that I'll be, like, in Vegas for seven weeks. That I'll be covering the World Series of Poker. I'll probably start believing it after the third night working till 6AM and I start hallucinating purple pandas. But by then I'll believe anything.

Liverpool vs. AC Milan

2007-05-23T14:13:00.000-04:00

Two years ago I was at work following the Liverpool-AC Milan final thru ESPN GameCast. After Milan took a 3-0 lead I shut it down and went back to doing my actual job. I checked back an hour or so later to read the game story...only to find the game was in penalties. That'll learn me.

Last year I liveblogged my Gunners losing to Barcalona, and this year I'm in the bar with my brother to watch AC Milan try to take their revenge. The beer is cold, the wings are hot, the WiFI signal is strong, and our waitress is a doll. JoeSpeaker himself couldn't wish for more...although there are two guys wearing red-and-black striped jerseys here. We'll outsing them.

UPDATE: Liverpool dominates the action...and trails at halftime, thanks to a brilliant handball by Inzaghi. That goal wouldn't have counted in the NHL.

Did I mention our waitress is a doll? A pretty, hot doll, who is treating us like Arabian sheiks? Lately every customer-service interaction I've had has been top-notch. What's changed in America?

UPDATE UPDATE: OK, Inzaghi was onside...though the other guy wasn't. Still, good goal. Jeez, what a dull game. Compare this to NHL playoff hockey...well, don't. One is the Beautiful Game. One is the Greatest Game on Ice.

Tell you what--playing poker in a bar, six beers in, in the afternoon, is very nice. Very nice indeed.

Breakfast of Champions

2007-05-21T09:27:00.000-04:00

This, of course, is a leftover slice of Pittsburgh Pirogi Pizza from the Church Brew Works. Mashed potato, with onion and garlic mixed in, fills a chewy pizza crust. Cheddar cheese spread thick on top. Fantastic.

But I had to gild the lily. I couldn't help thinking the pizza needed a little something. And when a little something is needed, bacon is always a good alternative. I decided against crumbling the bacon and sprinkling it all over. I'm a purist.

An Even Bigger Deal

2007-05-18T10:13:00.001-04:00

I must've gotten one of Amazon's first copies of Anthony Holden's Bigger Deal, because I actually finished it more than a week ago. I haven't read any reviews of it around the blogosphere, which surprises me, and I haven't written one myself yet, because I'm a lazy sloth (and that probably doesn't surprise you). Suffice to say you should get a copy and read it post-haste. There's actually a long section about why writers tend to gravitate toward poker. I felt Holden was speaking to me directly. Though he didn't mention me by name.

I read Bigger Deal with a sense of dread, because I worried that at some point I could come across a line like "I spent the evening playing poker with a wonderful chap named Brad from PokerStars" and I think I would've burst into tears. But I made it through the book without crying. Heh heh heh. I'm sorry, I default to envy.

From Otis, we also learn that Holden, Al Alvarez, Lee Jones, and other big-time writers are now collaborating on...a poker blog. It comes full circle, does it not? Holden and Alvarez inspire scores of writers (myself included) to start blogging about poker, and now, years later, they're starting a blog of their own. Maybe now I should write a biography of Prince William.

I heartily recommend you subscribe to their new blog, even if it's sponsored by Stars and I am Professionally Committed to Wiping Them Off the Face of the Earth. The fact that Holden, Alvarez et al are blogging about poker is, if you'll pardon the expression, a Big Deal. Actually, that's pretty much unpardonable. Anyway, I'll write a review of Bigger Deal very soon. And you should read Big Deal and The Biggest Game in Town if you haven't already. I'm actually re-reading the latter book for about the 15th time just now. Think I'll get back to it, if you don't mind.

The Heavy Hitters

2007-05-15T10:58:00.000-04:00

As you've no doubt read elsewhere, PokerNews will be providing live updates and chip counts at this year's World Series of Poker, and I will be a part of the pirate crew supplying Total Coverage. I am honored, humbled, and, yes, a little bit frightened to be working with such an elite force--Pauly and Amy and Change100 and BJ and the Shrink and a bunch of other hardnose, hardcore reporters. And me.

Seven weeks in Vegas. Jeepers. Reading about Pauly and Otis's hijinks the last two years I've dreamed about covering the WSOP myself, and now that I've got my chance it all seems a bit surreal. Not that living and working in Las Vegas for nigh on two months won't be extra-surreal.

Actually, things have been weird for me on many fronts lately. The thing is, all the weird stuff has been GOOD weird stuff, which is a nice change of pace.

And yes, it has been pointed out to me that, at some time during the World Series, I might find myself in the same room as Isabelle Mercier. I think "petrified" is the right word to describe how I feel about that. But I'm sure Pauly and Otis won't do anything to embarrass me. If I thought they might, goodness, I wouldn't be able to sleep!

I'm still writing for the UltimateBetBlog, which is undergoing some major upgrades as we speak. When the new and improved site is up and running I will trumpet the news far and wide. And this site is also going to be changing in a big way in the near future...but I think you've had about all the news you can handle at one sitting.

Tagged

2007-05-10T16:58:00.000-04:00

You never really leave high school, do you? OK, I got tagged by D to the P, so here are seven random things about me you probably didn't know:

My internet writing career started on Amazon.com, where I was one of their top 100 reviewers for awhile, but my big break came, uh, when I entered an erotic story writing contest (under a pseudonym, of course). And I won. No, I will not provide a link to it, nor will I ever share it with another living soul. No way, no how.
After dropping a pass on the playground in 3rd grade I screamed "Shit!" at the top of my lungs. I don't know that I'd ever even THOUGHT that word before. I immediately slapped my hand over my mouth, but the teacher on duty heard me, and the squeaky-clean Gene received a stern lecture about using blue language. In retrospect I realize that my teacher was quite bemused by the whole episode...but I didn't use a curse word again until I was like a junior in high school.
I hate karaoke and wouldn't dream of ever singing in public. But I sing in my car when I'm driving by myself. And I belt it out, dammit. There have been times when I've gone to the lake for the weekend when I've arrived almost hoarse.
I don't like broccoli--I freakin' LOVE IT. Not raw, don't like it raw, but I can eat me a whole bowl of steamed broccoli and be a happy guy.
I tend to stay friends with my ex-girlfriends. To a disturbing degree. How disturbing? Try this on for size--I did the reading at the wedding of an ex-girlfriend...and I brought another ex-girlfriend as my platonic date...this after I'd just gone out a few times with my future ex-wife.
I missed my first exam in college. Blew off the class to study for another exam. See, I thought the Astro test was on Thursday...International Relations on Wednesday...whoops. Still got a B+ in the class. Still have nightmares that I have to take a final in a class I haven't attended all year. And they're BAD dreams, man.
When I was a baby I developed cysts around my ears that had to be removed, and to keep me from looking even more freakish I had to have some plastic surgery afterwards. Years later the guy who operated on me appeared on the Oprah Winfrey show, and the topic that day was "Plastic Surgeons Who Operated On Their Wives".

Wish I'd Thought Of That One

2007-05-07T16:35:00.000-04:00

I can't say that I follow baseball all that closely (living in Pittsburgh will do that to you) and I find the media's obsessive coverage of the Red Sox-Yankee rivalry pathetic--it's the battle between the Bad Guys and the Worse Guys.

Still, the Yankees signing Roger Clemens elicited a fantastic one-liner from one of Bill Simmons' readers. In an act of stupendous self-regard Clemens yesterday announced to the crowd in the middle of the game that he was signing with the moribund Yanks. Which inspired this line from a John F. in Kansas:

"This is historic ... who ever heard of a rat jumping ON a sinking ship?"

Magnificent.

Celebrity Ain't What It Used to Be

2007-05-05T16:31:00.000-04:00

They hockey game ends and the Derby coverage begins and NBC leads with the Queen of England entering Churchill Downs. OK, yes, that's nice, the Queen is attending the Derby.

Then they shows quick shots of other celebrities attending today's race.

Gene Simmons. Jenny McCarthy. And then they show Cybill Shepherd, but they don't actually give her name.

These people are celebrities?

Then they have the "red carpet" with the glitterati walking in. And so we get to hear Nick Lachey and his new girlfriend (I didn't catch her name) chatting about the ponies.

These people are celebrities?

I understand that horse racing isn't as popular as it was way back when, but does NBC have to rub it in by showing Gene Simmons and Jenny McCarthy?

UPDATE: They had some guy talking to Jenny McCarthy about handicapping the race. I had to hit the MUTE button. It would not shock me if her voice was employed by interrogators at Guantanamo Bay.

Jesus Christ. They're interviewing Jennifer Tilly...and Phil Laak. Welcome to the Twilight Zone. And as I had the damn TV on MUTE, I didn't hear if they informed the viewers who the hell Phil Laak is. And, actually, chances are more Americans know who Phil Laak is than Cybill Shepherd.

Loved Phil's hat, by the way. And Jennifer's ensemble was a delight as well. Think I'm gonna start drinking. Excuse me.

Lucky Me

2007-05-05T01:24:00.000-04:00

I'll be writing a much-longer review tomorrow...but should I be ashamed in admitting that I liked Lucky You? A lot? The reviews are almost uniformly bad, and I must admit I went in with fangs sharpened, ready to rip and shred. Instead I found myself really enjoying myself as the movie reached it's deeply-flawed ending.

I dunno. Maybe the movie made me nostalgic for the past...you know, 2003. Maybe it's because lately I find myself unable to resist the fluffybunny adorableness of Drew Barrymore, who I used to be allergic to. I dunno.

Saw Lucky You this afternoon, saw Spiderman 3 last night during the midnight showing with the people in their Spidey Underoos. A couple of quick points:

I didn't expect a superhero blockbuster to have so much singing and dancing.
It REALLY takes a lot to get New Yorkers to notice stuff. Two guys in leotards beating the shit out of each other while swinging 100 feet in the air, and no one seems to get too excited about it.
If I was Topher Grace I would've been on the phone to my agent five minutes after the premiere. I mean, it's bad enough being second fiddle, but Grace was...let's see...eighth fiddle?
What does it say about the world today that in a movie featuring a bad guy made of sand, a bad guy who zips around on a nuclear skateboard, a pile of black goo that turns you into a yutz with bangs, and bad guy with really bad teeth...that the true villain of the story turns out to be THE HERO'S FRICKIN' GIRLFRIEND?? Tell me that Venom was in any way scarier than Mary Jane Watson, and I'll say that you've never been heavily involved with a person who's a total pain in the ass. Lucky you.

The Usual Crap

2007-05-01T13:28:00.000-04:00

I posted this over at the UltimateBetBlog as well, but I figured I'd let yinz read it here too:

One of online gaming's most powerful opponents, Senator Jon Kyl of Arizona, published an article yesterday in the National Ledger titled, "Online Gambling: Will New Law Be Repealed - Don't Bet On It". The title's ghastly punctuation aside, I have a few quibbles with Sen. Kyl's piece and would like to address them here.

But before I begin, I must raise this hilarious point--the Senator's article is of course anti-gambling, but scattered throughout his piece are little hyperlink advertisements...promoting online gambling. If you read the article and let your cursor linger over the highlighted words "offshore gambling", for example, you'll get a little pop-up add for an online gaming site offering a deposit bonus. Un-believable.

Anyway! Sen. Kyl's article begins thusly:

"Last week, Arizona authorities raided four illegal online gambling rings, centered in Phoenix but operating in three states, seizing millions of dollars in cash, cars, and property. Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio said millions of dollars were being collected, and often extorted, from gamblers visiting online sites based overseas. This recent crackdown highlights one of the major problems our state and local authorities face: enforcing existing state laws prohibiting gambling over the Internet."

If you'd like to read about those raids you can click here and here. And when you DO read about them, you might find yourself thinking the same thing I did--why is Sen. Kyl using these raids as evidence that anti-gaming laws are a GOOD thing? Because one of the major arguments AGAINST prohibiting gambling was that these laws would force out honest, reputable operators and leave the field wide-open to exploitation to unscrupulous and/or criminal enterprises.

According to one of the articles, those arrested in the raids were charged with crimes that included conspiracy, money laundering, and extortion. Now, no online gaming company I know of has asked that conspiracy, money laundering and extortion be legalized. Because no online gaming company is in any way INTERESTED in engaging in conspiracy, money laundering, and extortion. They want to provide the best gaming experience possible for their customers--extortion isn't exactly one of their core competencies, to trot out some of my old B-school lingo. But extortion and loansharking and threats of violence ARE core competencies of criminal organizations. And this is what society reaps when it tries to legislate away activities that millions enjoy and consider harmless.

The Senator continues:

"Until recently, authorities were forced to search for other violations – in this particular case, money laundering and extortion – to go after criminals trying to evade our laws prohibiting gambling over the Internet."

Well, why? Why were authorities forced to search for other violations? Why didn't they just enforce the laws on the books prohibiting online gambling? Or...could it be that there WERE no clearly-defined laws about online gaming?

"Last October, the President signed into law the Unlawful Internet Gambling Enforcement Act (UIGEA), culminating a 10-year effort by Congress to provide law enforcement with the means to stop offshore gambling businesses from circumventing our existing federal and state gambling laws. The Justice Department is now working to draft regulations to implement this new law."

First of all, what does it say that after a "10-year effort by Congress" the UIGEA passed only after former Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist tacked it on to an anti-terrorism bill at the last minute? Second, what "existing federal and state gambling laws" were online gambling sites circumventing? Why didn't federal and state law enforcement, well, enforce those laws? Could it be, again, that there aren't clear, enforceable laws?

Sen. Kyl seems to confirm that idea when, a few sentences later, he writes,

"The bill did not, as some have alleged, make online gambling illegal. Online gambling is already illegal under existing federal and state laws. The UIGEA simply provides the legal mechanisms necessary for authorities to enforce those laws."

OK, the Senator says that the UIGEA will give law enforcement the means to enforce existing laws. And how will the UIGEA bestow these powers?

"Principally, the UIGEA requires financial systems to block fund transfers associated with illegal Internet gambling, which is the most effective way to curb illegal activities of offshore websites beyond the reach of traditional law enforcement."

So...how does this help authorities enforce existing laws? It makes it harder for people who want to gamble transfer funds to their favorite online gaming sites, but that only serves to "curb" these nefarious people from, well, doing what they want with their hard-earned money. Plus, the onus falls not on law enforcement but on financial service providers, who risk angering their customers by, again, denying them the right to do what they want with their money.

Later Sen. Kyl writes:

"But some online poker operators are lobbying Congress to exempt online poker from the UIGEA. They allege it deserves an exemption because poker is "a game of skill" and an "American tradition." There are several reasons why Congress should reject this claim. Exempting online poker would undermine state gambling laws, making it much more difficult, if not impossible, for states to enforce their laws against gambling on online poker, and would override any policy decisions made by state legislatures."

While I stand and applaud the Senator's concern for state's rights...doesn't the UIGEA tramp all over the rights of states who DON'T have laws restricting online gambling? What if, oh, Rhode Island passed a law making online gaming 100% legal. Wouldn't the UIGEA "override any policy decisions made by state legislatures"?

Now, Senator Kyl is a politician and, therefore, needs the support of the voters every six years. And so he tries to show that he really has nothing against the great American game of poker:

"It is important to note that the UIGEA does not affect online poker for entertainment. If a poker player does not bet with a gambling entity or stake anything of value on the game, it does not constitute "gambling" and does not violate the law."

Got that? So long as you don't stake "anything of value", poker is hunky-dory. Of course, how one defines "anything of value" is rather open to interpretation, yes? One could argue that one's time is invaluable, and so even if no money is involved there is a price that is paid. What if you play for pistachios instead of quarters? I love me some pistachios, but my friends are more into cashews. Am I breaking the law here?

Maybe not, because Sen. Kyl then says, "Your Saturday night poker game is not affected." It isn't! Great! But...what if the buy-in for my Saturday night poker game is $500? Is that OK? How about $5,000? Is that cool? Or am I going to have a SWAT team breaking down my door? Am I going to be listed in the paper as running a criminal enterprise? Who decides how big the stakes should be: the players in the game, or Jon Kyl?

And then, of course, the Senator trots out the studies:

"Online poker is currently the most addictive form of gambling activity among American youth. The National Annenberg Risk Survey of Youth (ages 14 to 22) over the last few years has identified rising trends in poker and Internet gambling as significant and worrisome."

Really? Because I actually looked up the Survey online and it said the following:

"According to the latest results...the overall percentage of male youth ages 14 to 22 who reported playing cards for money on a weekly basis DROPPED (emphasis mine) to 11.6% in 2006 from 12.5% in 2005."

It also said:

"Similar patterns were observed for gambling on the Internet...(A)though weekly use of Internet gambling sites held steady among all male youth (2.5% vs. 3.0% in 2005 and 2006 respectively), the pattern diverged for youth depending on age. For males under the age of 18, weekly use of Internet gambling DECLINED (emphasis mine) from 2.6% in 2005 to 0% (emphasis mine) in 2006. However, rates of Internet gambling rose among male youth over the age of 17 from 2.3% to 5.8% in 2006..."

So, let's get this straight. The number of young males playing cards has DROPPED in the last year. But Sen. Kyl called this a "rising" trend. The number of young males playing poker online has increased...but only among those older than 17. The number of those younger than that (who should not be able to play online in the first place) saw their numbers fall to ZERO PERCENT in 2006. Now, I find that goose egg to be a bit suspicious, but it certainly shows a sharp decline. And you can't say the UIGEA is responsible--it wasn't signed into law until October. Could it be that online gaming sites were doing a better and better job of identifying and blocking underage gamblers? It's possible...

I'm also amused at how, in our society, we consider people between the ages of 18-22 "youths" when it comes to things like gambling, but when it comes to carrying an M-4 carbine around Baghdad and busting down doors looking for insurgents, we call them "Marines". But that's a post for another day.

Let's look at the numbers of young people who actually ARE playing poker online. The percentage rose from 2.3% to 5.8%. So, about 1 in 17 young men between the ages of 17 and 22 play poker online. This is "significant" and "worrisome"? And could it be that more young people are playing poker because...poker as a whole has become more popular? Young people following a trend, that never happens!

And how many of these young people are dropping out of college to go pro, and how many merely play the odd $5 sit-n-go between chem labs? How many truly develop into "problem" gamblers?

Well, that depends on how you define "problem". And here's how the Annenberg Study defined it:

"If respondents had engaged in one or more specific gambling activities in an average month, they were asked four questions about difficulties related to their gambling. These items asked whether in the past year the respondent had (a) "often found yourself thinking about gambling," (b) "ever needed to gamble with more and more money to get the excitement you want," (c) "ever spent more than you had planned on gambling," and (d) "ever felt bad or fed up when trying to cut down or stop gambling?"

So, if you play poker online, and someone cracked your Aces with 8-4 offsuit, and you brooded over it later that night, you are a problem gambler. Welcome to the club!

I don't mean to be flip about gambling addiction, which of course is a very real concern. But the people most likely to ignore laws banning online gambling, and those most likely to be exploited by unscrupulous operators, are gambling addicts. If online gaming were legalized and regulated those people could be more easily identified and possibly given the help they need. Again, the arguments put forward by those in favor of prohibition in fact support the legalization and regulation of gambling.

And then, at the end of his piece, Sen. Kyl rather shoots himself in the foot:

"And finally, if poker gambling enthusiasts truly believe it is a "game of skill," they can gain an "exemption" by proving that to a court. Under most definitions of "gambling" in state laws, games of skill are not "gambling" even if there is an entry fee and a prize to be won. While poker, like other card games, involves an element of skill, the hands that win or lose are a result of chance – "the luck of the draw." If enthusiasts could prove otherwise to the satisfaction of a court, then they would not be subject to online gambling restrictions."

First of all, there's an element of luck in ANY game. Tee shots land in divots, a tipped pass can turn into a touchdown, a stray pebble can transform a routine ground ball into a game-winning base hit. And to deny that luck doesn't play a role in poker is to deny the game one of it's charms. But as even Sen. Kyl concedes, poker contains an "element of skill". There is such a thing as a "good poker player". And there are, in fact, "great poker players". Phil Hellmuth, Doyle Brunson and Johnny Chan don't each have ten WSOP bracelets because they're the three luckiest human beings on Earth. They have all that bling because each is a supremely gifted poker player.

Sen. Kyl might think he's correct when he says "the hands that win or lose are a result of chance", but in fact that statement shows his ignorance of poker. Because in poker the best hand often DOESN'T win. Because a superior player outplays his opponent. Or, maybe the better player loses the hand...but he loses far fewer chips than a lesser player would've lost. Or maybe the tables are turned and it's the better player who holds the cards...and he knows how to build the biggest pot possible. Who wins and loses a particular hand is NOT the whole story.

There's far, far more to poker than showing down your cards and seeing who has the best hand. And there's far, far more to online gaming than addiction and vice and criminals preying on our children. People play poker for many reasons. Because it's fun. Because they can make money at it. And, well, because it's THEIR time and it's THEIR money and they can spend both any way they damn well please.

Are there legitimate issues surrounding online gaming (underage gamblers, addiction, etc) that need to be addressed? Certainly--so let's address them. Prohibition is not a viable option. Passing a law without open debate is not how a democracy is supposed to work. As citizens, more so than as poker players, it's important that our lawmakers know that WE understand the issues, too. And that we expect our rights to be respected, and not stripped away in the guise of "what's best for us". WE should be the ones making those decisions.

UPDATE: As Mr. Nuts and Haley point out in the comments, a Federal Court ALREADY has ruled that poker is a game of skill. I'd forgotten about Baxter vs. the United States, wherein poker legend Billy Baxter convinced the court that his gambling winnings were due to skill, not luck, and should be taxed as "earned income". Baxter won, the ruling held up on appeal, and when the Feds decided not to take the case to the Supreme Court tried to get Baxter to make a deal. Which he refused to do. So, again, the point Senator Kyl raises to attack online gaming boomerangs on him.

Dead Last

2007-04-29T19:13:00.000-04:00

That's where I finished in tonight's Blogger Bracelet Race. I knew a flop of 6c-8h-9h couldn't be good for my Aces, but I went ahead and committed all of my chips against cemfredmd, who of course flopped middle set. I picked up a flush draw on the turn but didn't get there and I was done. No great loss, as I wasn't in a poker state of mind. My mind, it's fried. I could use the rest, and now I'll get it. I'll put a happy face on this if I have to use a baseball bat.

Fear and Technobabble

2007-04-25T10:25:00.000-04:00

Did my little presentation at BootCampPGH this past Saturday, I guess if I had to assign a grade I'd give myself a solid B-minus. I was more nervous than I thought I'd be. I'm the quiet sort (unless I'm on the court, or I've had 2 beers) and while public speaking doesn't scare me THAT much, I was more nervous than I expected. But I guess it all went all right, and hopefully Pittsburgh will soon be home to scores of bloggers and podcasters raking in the dinero.

Public speaking is usually listed as one of the greatest fears people have, but most of that particular terror was burned out of me in one ghastly moment. I was in 7th grade and in one class we had to give an impromptu, one-minute talk about a random subject. The bell was just about to ring and the teacher who was substituting for a week (who I later took tennis lessons from) picked my name out of the hat and told me to speak about my favorite foods.

Now, my longtime readers know that I can go on at nauseating length about this subject. No pun intended, but this should've been a piece of cake. Instead, I froze. I froze SOLID. I think I got ten words out. I nearly threw up on the floor. A deer, in the headlights. I got a sympathy D for not voiding my bowels.

For some reason, that nightmarish experience liberated me from the worst of the public speaking terrors. One thing I try to do, at all times, is project a sense of absolute confidence. Even if I'm speaking on a subject I know nothing about (like, oh, poker) I maintain an air of serene omniscience. Because the audience can smell fear. They can smell it. And then they attack.

I also tend to speakveryquicklysothatmywordsruntogether, and when I speak in public I focus on how fast I'm talking and how clearly I'm enunciating. Which helps me come across as calm, cool, collected. Even when my belly is full of writhing eels.

It didn't help that this past weekend was, well, an emotional roller coaster. Now, I do have a fear of roller coasters, one that dovetails nicely with my fear of heights. But you know how when you get off a roller coaster you're laughing and exhilarated? Yeah, that was me this weekend. Am I being cryptic enough for you? I certainly hope so. Hoo boy.

Oh, I actually have a question for yinz. Does anyone use Netvibes? I read about it over at Slate and now I'm obsessed with creating the perfect information-loaded home page. Hearing about all sorts of neat stuff at BootCamp got me into this techie state of mind, I feel like I'm missing so much neat stuff that's out there. I'm behind the times. Out of the loop.

Sip From The Trough Of My Wisdom

2007-04-19T09:28:00.000-04:00

Even for me that's a horrible title. Anyway, a few months ago I went to PodCamp Pittsburgh, which was (and is) a gathering of very sharp online media experts talking about the latest trends and technology and good stuff like that. This Saturday I (and hopefully you) will be attending BootCamp PGH, which is a one-day version of PodCamp that's geared more for beginners and those who haven't quite decided to take the online plunge.

Worried that BootCamp might be too advanced for you? Fear not. Because I'll be part of a panel discussion during one of the sessions, and I'm the yutz who never figured out how to include a graphic as part of the banner on this blog. Never mind telling me how to do it now, I'm resigned to my fate.

The topic of the discussion is Bare Basics of Monetization, so if you've always dreamed of selling out your artistic vision and wanted some pointers, I'm your man. BootCamp runs from 9AM to 4PM at the Art Institute of Pittsburgh, and my session will be at 3PM. If you're at all interested in blogging or podcasting or new media I strongly encourage you to attend. Like I said, there are some really smart folks who show up to speak at these seminars. And the muffins are usually pretty damn good.

Go Deep

2007-04-14T11:10:00.000-04:00

Last Sunday I wrote one of those self-help posts where I hectored myself for playing in micro-tournaments that don't provide an adequate return on my time. I haven't been able to play in many of the recent blogger events because of volleyball and the Penguins, so last night, after deciding to stay in and enjoy some me-time, I hunted for a tournament or two to while away the evening.

I saw a $.25 tournament with over 2000 players...no! No! That's exactly the sort of time-waster I want to avoid. In case I matched luck with my A-game I wanted some dough at the end of the day. But the breaks haven't gone my way lately, and I was a wee bit tired, so I settled on a $15 MTT and a $10, 180-person SNG.

The SNG did not go well, especially after my pocket kings were cracked by an ambitious player who re-raised all-in with QJ. Flop the queen, turn the jack and I was crippled. And, soon, out.

The tournament didn't go much better. After doubling my stack through brilliant reads and savage aggression (and that straight I flopped) I lost 3/4 of it when I ran kings (again) into a set of sixes. The break arrived with me holding a meager $800 in chips, and that's when my cell rang. It was a fetching lass of my recent acquaintance, and our conversation was distracting enough that I missed the end of the break and, indeed, any concept that I was still in the tournament. When our chat was done I saw I still had a window opened and moved to close it. And found that I was still alive, though blinded down to $550.

And then, the fun began.

The very next hand I doubled up with 99. The hand after that I somehow managed to triple-up with an unimproved A-10. So now I had a vaguely playable stack, and play it I did. Like a beast.

Somehow I managed to bob and weave myself to the biggest cash in Mean Gene history, finishing 4th out of 862. In a tournament I very nearly gave up on. How did I manage it? I played very, very tight at some very, very aggressive tables. I stole just enough to keep my stack viable. And when I got big hands, I got action. I doubled up with AA vs. JJ, with AK vs. AQ, with JJ vs. 44, with 99 vs. AQ.

That last one was a biggie. We were still twenty from the money, losing that hand would've crippled me, but the other guy's re-raise didn't smell like a big pair and I somehow managed to find enough gambling mojo to make the call. And, this night at least, the Poker Gods smiled upon me.

And they smiled on me a few other times, in ways that made me feel warm and loved. The one impatient call I made all night was when a shortstack re-raised all in with me holding the A-7 of clubs. He had A-J and had I lost I would've been crippled. The flop came K-J-10, giving me outs...and a beautiful queen of hearts fell on the turn. The chop tilted the other guy, to the point where he was still bitching at me five minutes later. Like water off a duck's back, is how his words affected me.

Down to the final twelve I had a medium stack and I really wanted to make that final table. A dream that seemed to end rather cruelly, as I ran AK into Aces in a battle of the blinds. I lost 3/4 of my stack on that one, but I caught cards on the next two hands and, feigning tilt, managed to double up on the second one when the big stack made an ambitious call with 10-8 offsuit. And then it was final table time!

Moving up a spot early on meant an extra hundred bucks in my pocket, so you can imagine my distress when THREE different shortstacks doubled up by hitting longshots on the river. I tore my thoughts away from the extra $400 I might've had and focused on the chips in front of me. Not that it did me much good, as the blinds and antes gobbled me up and left me almost too short to push anyone out.

I took my stand with KQ and, to my profound dismay, the guy who'd crippled me in that AA vs. AK hand raised. I felt even worse when the chip-leader called, and worse still when the board came J-J-7. Oh well, a nice run, and 8th place wasn't bad. The dude to my left made a moderate bet and chased the chip leader away, and I found that I was dominated by AK. Wow, I actually had outs, I could hit a queen and live...and just like that, a queen on the turn!

Even though I was wearing a my warmest flannels and huddled under a blanket, I shivered thanks to the clammy sweat that arrived when we made the final nine. And I was shaking like the leaf when I pushed with A-4 against a bully who kept helping himself to my big blind. This time he had 66, bad news. "An ace? An...ace?" I begged, and on the turn, there it was!

There were three players who each had huge stacks, and I never could find a way to gather enough chips to join them. Down to five the player I'd been jousting with for 3 hours ran KJ into KK, and we were four. I had 1/3 as many chips as the guy in 3rd place, so when I found KJ myself I decided to go with it. And ran into Aces. I flopped a flush draw...please? Pretty please?

No. The Aces held and I was done in fourth place. I couldn't complain, and I won't start now. I should've been done around 11th place. And then, again, in 8th. Ending in 4th place was around a $400 improvement. Not bad for the bankroll. Or the confidence. Which is filled to the brim at the moment, and will stay that way...right up to the point when I get bounced in 794th place in my next tournament.

Plot, Schmlot

2007-04-13T21:23:00.000-04:00

Last week I saw an incomprehensible movie with no easily discernible plot. The movie was Inland Empire and was directed by David Lynch.

This afternoon I saw an incomprehensible movie with no easily discernible plot. The movie was Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie For Theaters and was not directed by David Lynch. That's Hollywood for you--cranking out the same cookie-cutter movies over and over and over again.

The opening sequence of ATHFCMFT was vomit-threateninly funny. It was a parody of those little ads you see before the movie starts where anthropomorphic bags of popcorn and candy dance around and entice you to visit the concession stand. And then a bunch of hardcore and very metal pretzels, gumdrops and nachos throw down and blast out a kickass song called "Cut You Up With a Linoleum Knife". Which song contains some of the greatest lyrics in music history:
If I see you videotaping this movie
Satan will rain down your throat with hot acid
And saw your testicles
And turn your guts into snakes

This is a copyrighted movie for Time-Warner
If I found you sold it on eBay
I will break into your house and tear your wife in half
If I have one criticism of the film is that it needed more Carl. More Carl is always a frickin' good thing.

Now I'm jumping back on the Lynchian bandwagon and I'm working my way through Season 2 of Twin Peaks. More on this later, perhaps.

Opening Day Rage

2007-04-10T20:06:00.000-04:00

I was fortunate enough to score a belated ticket to Opening Day. That's about the only thing that went right the whole day. The parking situation in-freakin-furiated me. None--and I mean NONE--of the lots around the park were open. They were only allowing people who reserved spots and/or had prepaid tickets to park there. There's a huge new parking garage that just opened--you weren't allowed to park there. The huge surface lots between PNC Park and Heinz Field? Nope. Oh, there were spots open--scores of them. And that didn't include the spots taken by people who decided to set up their grills and coolers next to their cars.

Funny, I thought my tax dollars helped to build that parking garage. Funny, I thought the Pirates wouldn't want to piss off their customers, especially after 14 consecutive losing seasons. Funny, I thought the bankrupt City of Pittsburgh could use the revenue that comes from packed parking lots. Especially as the Bucs won't have many sellouts this year. Then again, maybe there's a reason why the Pirates are considered one of the worst franchises in professional sports. And maybe there's a reason why Pittsburgh lost about 60,000 residents in the last seven years.

Enough with my petty ranting--how was the game??!! Well, it was about 30 degrees out. The beer vendor only ventured into our upper-deck section once during the entire game. And the Pirates best moment came when Chris Duffy was balked over to second. That was it. The bars were jam-packed after the game--here's another point for ranting. McFadden's (a chain of Irish pubs) just opened a huge, HUGE place on the North Shore. It was standing-room only before the game. After the game there was a line about 100 deep to get into the place. It has two entrances--only one was open. Why not open BOTH of them and have a bouncer carding at each entrance? That gets people in twice as fast, that means they'll drink more, and it means that thirsty bastards like myself won't say "Screw it" and go home. Why do so many folks resist taking my money? I'm more than happy to give it to them...and they won't let me.

I took some pictures. I'll just post one. Digital cameras are neat.

Who's The Idiot Here?

2007-04-08T02:54:00.000-04:00

Played a tournament tonight. 1500 players. I staggered into the money, doubled up, doubled up again. I had an above-average stack and picked up aces under the gun. I raised, and the only caller was in the big blind. The flop came king-high, he led out for $3K, I came over the top for $15K more. He thought a bit and called with K-8. He went runner-runner to make a gutshot and knocked me out in 102nd place.

Played for three hours, played well...and I made a profit of two bucks. OK, I'm playing these micro MTTs to work on some things in my game...but WTF am I doing playing for three hours to make a two-buck profit? True, had I won that last hand I would've had a halfway decent stack and maybe could've made a run at a nice little score.

But...Geno...sack up and start playing with the big boys and girls. Maybe splurge for a $10 tournament? The bankroll can fade that.

My buddy Rick was over to watch the Penguin game and he enjoys playing cheapo 45-person SNGs. Came in 2nd in one tournament, and on 5 occasions I sucked out to defeat the eventual winner. He had me dominated with a bigger ace four times, and once he had QQ to my 66. Maybe I used up all the luck in my computer and that's why my aces got cracked. That seems plausible.

David, David, David

2007-04-07T01:38:00.000-04:00

Went to see Inland Empire tonight, which of course is David Lynch's latest offering. What's Inland Empire about? It's about three hours long. Wukka-wukka.

I have no idea what the goddam movie was about. In comparison Mulholland Drive was "See Spot Run". I don't feel too bad about my lack of understanding, as Laura Dern herself said that when she went to the premiere SHE was hoping to figure out what the hell she'd been working on for two-and-a-half years. Lynch himself said that the movie is about "a woman in trouble". Well, that helps, but not enough to lead to true enlightenment.

I guess I could Google "What the fuck + Inland Empire" and gather some insight. But it's late. I should say that I "enjoyed" the movie, as Dern gave an outstanding performance in about 15 different roles/characters/manifestations. And it had Lynch's usual disturbing imagery, one scene in particular will be giving me nightmares. Though hopefully not tonight. As I'm sleepy.

Honor Thy Enemy

2007-04-05T10:01:00.000-04:00

While I'm professionally committed to wiping them off the face of the planet, I have to admit that Full Tilt's commercials during last night's WPT premiere were pretty goddam good. Especially the Jennifer Harman and Gus Hansen spots. I would buy a used car from Jennifer Harman. I would vote for a political candidate Jennifer Harman endorsed. Anyone know what her Q-rating is?

Of course, my overlords at UltimateBet also had a nice, glossy commercial for the 2007 Aruba Poker Classic, coming up in September. Did you know we're hosting satellites for the Classic on Sundays, Mondays and Thursdays. Of course you did. And it's very nice in Aruba in September, very nice indeed. Ask DoubleAs--he will confirm.

I had only two complaints about the UB ad--too many quick cuts, and I wasn't in it. Nor was I in the commercials they were running before. I guess my Q-rating isn't as high as my agent led me to believe.

And, no, I don't have an agent. Though I like to pretend that I do. It makes me feel happy inside.

Liked the new WPT set and the graphics were good, I preferred them to last year's. Sabina Gadecki was fine as the hostess, she asked some good questions. She'll take some getting used to, of course, though her work is cut out for her because Shana Hiatt is doing her thing on Poker After Dark. Which I haven't watched in quite a long time, but when I did it seemed that Shana was really hitting her stride. If one can hit a stride as a poker hostess, Shana is hitting it.

A few weeks ago I was flipping channels and I stumbled past Fox News (the only way I'd ever have it polluting my world) and I saw a familiar face--Courtney Friel, the WPT hostess between Shana and Sabina. My mind tried to process this and after saying "WTF?" a few times I consulted Wikipedia. Turns out Ms. Friel is now an anchor at Fox, and according to Wikipedia it "seems like she may be a frequent guest of Hannity & Colmes". Say it ain't so, Courtney. Trading Mike and Vince for Sean and Alan? The only way I'd appear on the same set as Mr. Hannity is if they put us in a steel cage together.

I Hate Poker

2007-04-03T22:34:00.000-04:00

Just thought you'd like to know.

I mean, Jesus.

Jesus Christ.

Come on.

It's getting ridiculous.

Damn.

Shit.

Fuck.

I don't wanna talk about it.

You don't wanna hear about it.

But...

Fuck.

I'll try to focus on the good things. Beautiful day today. Walked around town. Bought two lovely shirts and they were on sale. Had a couple of beers in a new pub that opened and did a Dial-a-Bass with Al. Took a nice nap.

But...

Damn.

Shit.

Fuck.

Gettin' REALLY Good At This Poker Thing

2007-04-01T11:07:00.000-04:00

This morning, as I checked my email, I found a desperate marriage proposal from Isabelle Mercier. I politely declined. I told her, for the hundredth time, that this tiger's gotta prowl.

April Fools.

Now that that nonsense is out of the way.

After watching the NCAA games last night and eating much too well (filet, ribs, twice-baked potatoes) I got home a bit after midnight and decided to play a little SNG. Put on some sweats. Had the cat curl up at my ankles. Very comfy. Very comfy indeed.

Dozed off after about 5 hands. Woke up. Won a little pot with a set of sixes. Dozed off a few hands later...

And didn't wake up. Until 3AM.

I finished fourth.

Reviewing the hand histories, when we reached bubbletime the other shortstack did all he could to hang on until my somnambulist ass was disposed of. But I didn't go quietly. I won like six all-ins in a row. I went runner-runner to make a straight after the chip leader flopped top pair with A-J. I had pocket sevens against KQ and won the race. I had AQ and made the nut flush to crush KJ. Reading the other players' incredulous bitching and moaning about my survival skills was quite amusing. If only I hadn't had that last Bass Ale...I probably would've finished fifth.

I'm Gettin' Good At This Poker Thing

2007-03-30T11:51:00.000-04:00

So I'm playing a SNG and the very first hand I'm dealt Q-10. With four limpers ahead I decide to call one off the button and see if I hit something. And I do--the flop comes Q-8-10. Top two, but a bit of a dangerous board, someone certainly has some kind of straight draw. It's checked around to me and I decide to make a pot-sized bet.

Except...the action skips past me to the button, who also checks. Wait a second...where are my cards?

I don't think I've ever done this before, but I folded my hand by accident. OK, I've done that before, but I think this is the first time I folded by accident and not realized it. Totally whiffed. And no, I didn't have six Bloody Mary's for breakfast.

Turns out the dude to my right flopped the straight. If I led out, and he raised me...it might've gotten ugly. But because my poker instincts are so sharp right now I wriggled off that hook before it even, uh, hooked me. My subconscious rules.

Quack Quack!

2007-03-25T13:24:00.000-04:00

I rooted for Kansas to beat UCLA last night...not realizing that my best bracket at the moment has UCLA in the final. True, I'm toast in the HUGE pool I'm in with like 500 people, but I'm in first place in Pauly's pool. I need Oregon to beat Florida today. That would help, like, SO much. Florida has had too much success lately. Duck 'em.

Oh, God, I didn't really write that, did I, that's just awful.

Turning our attention to poker...could I stop getting knocked out of tournaments on 3-outers, please? I'm happy with how I've been playing, with a few ghastly mistakes along the way that won't be repeated, but in my last three tournaments (or multi SNGs) I've been knocked out holding QQ. Against A-3, 66, and (this one hurt) Q-10. I flopped the set, he flopped top pair, he went runner-runner for the flush. Which is what I did to my commode after I vomited into it.

UPDATE: Well, that'll teach me to talk about my brackets before the Final Four is set. What with Oregon losing and North Carolina going 17 minutes without a field goal to close out the game and overtime. Awesome. Well, at least now I don't have to give a crap and can just root for Ben Howland to win a title.

Goin' For A Walk

2007-03-24T00:10:00.000-04:00

The non-traveling call on Jeff Green at the end of the G-Town-Vandy game was...appalling? About as bad as it gets. Not only does he hop on his pivot foot a few times, he goes ahead and does a whole 'nother spin move to get away from the double team. And gets his desperation heave to kiss glass and go through the iron. Pretty sick, that.

If it wasn't for Acie Law IV honking a layup I'd have all eight Elite teams in the bracket I filled out for the mondo pool I'm in with like 600 people. I also have seven of the eight in my leading bracket in Pauly's pool. I need Carolina to make the final to have any chance (have them winning in one and runner-upping in another) so I was happy to see the Tar Heels come back against an exhausted USC team. What's the deal with teams coming back from HUGE second half deficits? VCU did it to Pitt, Ohio State came back on Tennessee, and Carolina tonight. That damn three-point shot, no lead is ever safe.

UPDATE: Of course I see that the person in first place in Pauly's pool has ALL EIGHT Elite teams. Showoff. Crap. But if Carolina wins it all, I might be OK. Go Heels!

Who Needs A Civics Lesson? Or Composition?

2007-03-21T08:44:00.000-04:00

I just read Allyn Jaffrey Shulman's latest column over at Card Player. Headlined "Write Your Congressman", it discusses the news that Barney Frank, the new chairman of the House Financial Services Committee, plans to introduce a bill to repeal the UIGEA. We're OK so far. Thing is, after identifying Frank as the chairman of the HOUSE Financial Services Committee, she spends the rest of the column calling him "Senator" Frank.

Sigh. Now, last week Bill posted a little something about Frank's intentions and I teased him because he too gave Frank a promotion to Senator. Now, Bill just made a (quickly-corrected) boo-boo in a post, and besides, he lives in exotic Gibraltar and floats above our petty politics. Shulman actually calls Frank a "US Congressman" who chairs a House committee...and then refers to him as "Senator" the rest of the way. Shulman is identified as the "Card Player Resident Legal Expert". Uh huh.

In the column there is a link you can click that takes you to a page where you can send a form letter to your Congressman and/or Senators. Fine. What's NOT fine is the form letter itself. Allow me to post it here in it's entirety:

Dear Member of Congress:

I am a voter. I am a poker player. And, I am mad.

Under your watch, Congress passed legislation that prohibits me from playing the great game of poker on the Internet. Legislation that impacts millions online poker players in the United States like me, deserves more debate than a back-room deal. Today, you have an opportunity to correct this injustice.

Poker is a great American game with deep roots in this country. Throughout history presidents, generals, Members of Congress, Supreme Court justices and average citizens have enjoyed poker with family and friends. Also, unlike other forms of gambling, poker is a skill game where performance is merited, and a community game, where the “house” is not your competition. These are real and significant differences. Simply putting the word “Internet” in front of poker does not change the qualities of the game and it should not make the people who play it suspect.

I am urging you to support amending this new Internet gambling law so that it has a “skill game exemption” for poker. Please note, that other forms of Internet gambling, such as horseracing, lotteries and fantasy sports are already protected under this law. A skill exemption for poker is not unreasonable, it is good public policy and would help preserve and protect an American tradition.

I look forward to your support for a poker exemption. Again, I am a voter and I remember.

Sincerely,

I mean, where to begin?? Beyond the fact that I'm sure every member of Congress gets mass-mailed form letters/emails like this and instantly deletes them? Well, first off are the odd spacing errors--indeed, there's a sloppy extra space before the greeting (though you really can't see it here, it's more noticeable in the letter itself). And why not have a way to instantly fill in the Congressperson's name instead of the sure-to-be-ignored "Dear Member of Congress"? Especially as the Message Recipients are shown to be "Your U.S. Senators". If it's only sent to Senators, why not have "Dear Senator" as the greeting? Not ideal, but less insulting to their Senatorial pride as "Member of Congress".

There's also the subject header for the email--"Support Amending the new Internet Gambling Law". No! It should reference the precise name of the law, the Unlawful Internet Gambling Enforcement Act. Ideally it would have the actual number of the bill and the date it passed. Sloppy. Inexcusable.

Let's move to the opening paragraph. And, what an opening paragraph it is! Let's look at it again, shall we?

I am a voter. I am a poker player. And, I am mad.

Terrific. In thirteen words we've demonstrated that we have the intelligence and emotional maturity of a five-year-old. Maybe a robot would enjoy prose like "I am a voter. I am a poker player" but most human beings, even the putative ones in Congress, almost certainly would not. And, how much do I hate the comma after "And" in "And, I am mad". Normally I love commas. I love, love, LOVE the comma. Here it provides a moment of hesitation that makes you think some profound statement is coming. And instead we get "I am mad". Awful.

Let's continue.

Under your watch, Congress passed legislation that prohibits me from playing the great game of poker on the Internet

Under whose watch, buddy? My Congressman is Jason Altmire--he didn't vote for the UIGEA. In fact, he defeated Melissa Hart, who championed the bill in the House. Members of Congress get blamed for enough as it is; slagging them for stuff they had nothing to do with isn't going to get you in their good graces. Much better to simply say "Congress passed legislation..."

Actually, let's look at the rest of that sentence, "that prohibits me from playing the great game of poker on the Internet". Does the UIGEA really prohibit people from playing online poker? Not according to...Allyn Jaffrey Shulman, who wrote a column three weeks ago that began with this sentence: "I have written many times that there is no federal law prohibiting the online gambler from playing poker online". Congress makes Federal laws. If there is, in Ms. Shulman's words, no federal law prohibiting the online gambler from playing poker online, then why are we pestering our Representatives and Senators. Should we not accurately discuss the issues at hand?

We continue:

Legislation that impacts millions online poker players in the United States like me, deserves more debate than a back-room deal.

Again, we have felony comma abuse. And shouldn't it be "...impacts millions OF online poker players"? Yes, it should. And what with that timid, tiny voice saying, "like me"? Unnecessary. Weak. Get rid of it. Along with the "in the United States". We're writing to a US Congressperson. They don't care about the French anymore than we do. And saying that this issue deserves "more debate" than a "back-room deal" rather glosses over the fact that in a back-room deal there's NO debate.

Then there's the grandiose, "Today, you have an opportunity to correct this injustice." Well, maybe not TODAY. Maybe not tomorrow. And, maybe not this year. Why not get rid of it? Also is the UIGEA really an "injustice"? I don't like using that word in this context. It's too emotional--we should stick to the facts and let Enlightenment (and Money, lots of Money) do the work for us. I fear this graf is beyond saving.

Nor is the next one. The sentence "Poker is a great American game with deep roots in this country" reminds me of the great Spinal Tap song, "Tonight I'm Gonna Rock You (Tonight)". Poker is a great American game...with deep roots...in this country". Which is...America.

Tonight I'm gonna rock you
Tonight!

It almost hurts the eyes to read the next sentence:

Throughout history presidents, generals, Members of Congress, Supreme Court justices and average citizens have enjoyed poker with family and friends.

Did I say almost? First of all, "Presidents" should be capitalized. You should probably capitalize "Generals" too just to keep the eye from getting airsick going UP and down this interminable list. Why not use specific examples (President Truman, General Eisenhower, Justice Scalia)? I also don't like "average citizens"--it makes being an average citizen sound less-than-average. I also don't like "with family and friends". The goal is to fully legalize online poker (or online gaming in general), which is rarely played with family and friends. Let's not muddy the waters.

Also, unlike other forms of gambling, poker is a skill game where performance is merited, and a community game, where the “house” is not your competition.

"A skill game where performance is merited". Um, that doesn't sound right. Because it isn't right. Poker is a skill game where performance is rewarded, maybe. Actually, "performance" AND "merited" don't work here. It's a game where skill is rewarded. Period. The line, "...and a community game, where the "house" is not your competition" should be reworked to say something like, "You play against your opponents, not the house".

Moving along:

I am urging you to support amending this new Internet gambling law so that it has a “skill game exemption” for poker.

How about, "I urge you to support amending this law..." Better, yes? Actually, why are we arguing for an amendment, a "skill game exemption"? It's a bad law, we should want it repealed. Let's not perform surgery on the law with a Bowie knife--that leads to confusion. Repeal it. It's a lousy piece of legislation. Start over if you want to, but get rid of this first.

Please note, that other forms of Internet gambling, such as horseracing, lotteries and fantasy sports are already protected under this law.

Goddam it, learn to use the goddam comma correctly! Either ditch the comma or say, "Please note, other forms of Internet gambling..." Or just say, "Other forms of internet gambling such as lotteries and horse racing (should that be two words?) are still legal under this law. Is this not hypocritical?"

A skill exemption for poker is not unreasonable, it is good public policy and would help preserve and protect an American tradition.

It's good public policy? How so? Explain how it is. Or, just cut the damn catchphrase. Actually, cut this whole sentence.

I look forward to your support for a poker exemption.

Sounds like you're sending a resume in response to a want ad, "I look forward to hearing from you". No. Better to reinforce the message you've sent, something like, "Please support the repeal of the UIGEA, it's the fair and honest thing to do." Something like that, only better.

Again, I am a voter and I remember.

Ah, the not-so-subtle threat. "I remember". Yeah, that'll get them shakin' in their boots. What's the saying, you get more flies with honey than vinegar? Wouldn't it be better to say, "This is a very important issue for me and for millions of my fellow Americans. We aren't criminals and we don't think Congress should treat us like criminals. Thank you for listening to our concerns about this very important issue." The threat is there, but it's more cleverly veiled, yes? Not my best work, but I think it shows that a bit of arm-around-the-shoulder is better than the angry, balled fist.

I wonder who the hell wrote the text of that letter. And, did anyone READ it before they decided to use it for mass-mailing Congress? This stuff isn't hard, but it's important, dammit. The poker community should be linking arms and working together to make online gaming legal. Sloppy, ill-considered nonsense like this does not aid the cause.

UPDATE: The column by Allyn Jaffrey Shulman I referenced above has been corrected to show that Barney Frank is a member of the House, not the Senate. Thing is, the word "Representative" is in a slightly bigger font. A bit of petulance, perhaps, after the comments to the column pointed out the error? Or perhaps I'm just being a bit mean-spirited. I think I'll go with the latter option. Though I am in a pretty good mood. A correction is a correction.

Also, as pointed out by bitguru in the comments to this post, the word "president" should not be capitalized, nor should "general". Nor "member of Congress". My goof, for some reason I thought "President" was capitalized when it referred to the President of the United States. Shouldn't have used my old AP Stylebook to balance that wobbly table.

Now THIS Is What I Call Madness!

2007-03-15T14:03:00.000-04:00

Sitting in a bar, beer at my side, doing work, watching hoops. These are the days.

Stanford is getting the everlovin' crap kicked out of them by Louisville, and folks in Syracuse and Manhattan (KS) are doubtless going apeshit. Fans of Florida A&M are also justifiably pissed, since they won their conference tournament and then found out they had to win ANOTHER game to actually make the Dance. Which, of course, they lost to Niagra.

Here's what the NCAA should do--have four play-in games among the eight teams in the running for the final at-large bids. Teams like Syracuse, Arkansas, Illinois, Stanford, Drexel...have them play at various neutral sites on Tuesday night, make it a mini-Madness. Big schools, big fan bases, big stakes. The winners get 12 seeds. The losers shut the hell up about getting screwed by the committee.

And I'd add even MORE Madness to the mix. You pick seven teams for the play in game...and then you have a BIG LOTTERY on Selection Sunday for the final spot! You get this big, BIG drum, and fill it with Ping-Pong balls with the name of every team not in the tournament or the play-in games. You spin that drum, you friggin' spin it, and you pick out one team that gets a final, miraculous shot to make the tournament. You could have Dick Vitale pull out the winning ball and scream, "IT'S TEXAS CHRISTIAN, BABY!!! OHHH, OHHH, OHHH!! AWESOME BABY, THE HORNED FROGS ARE IN!! OHHHH, OHHHH, OHHHH!!"

OK, I gotta get back to my drinking now. Let's go Pitt!

More Stuff I Don't Understand

2007-03-14T23:06:00.000-04:00

Watched the most recent episode of High Stakes Poker today. Um, how come Playtex was advertising so heavily during the show? Playtex, eHarmony, and Weight Watchers. Is this poker or Lifetime? I find this very confusing and a bit disorienting.

ESPN has hired a new ombudsman. Not that anyone knew that ESPN had an ombudsman in the first place. I think I emailed ESPN three or four times about issues I thought deserved comment (including ESPN's tiptoe around the extra $2 million in the WSOP) and not once were those issues addressed. George Solomon (the exiting ombudsman) wrote a single column of about a thousand words a month. Nice work if you can get it. Thought about sending an email complaining about Mark Kreidler's absurd column, but I think the reader comments showed the displeasure people felt about it. Displeasure that, almost certainly, won't be discussed by the ombudsman, past or present.

Actually, if I was going to send a note to the new OBM, I'd ask, "Can you explain to me why Skip Bayless keeps appearing on my television? I've really tried to think of reasons why ESPN would employ him--as a joke, as shock value, as camp, as an example to children who think faking illness to stay home from school is a good idea--but none make sense. Please get him off my TV."

Played in a $5 tournament last night, 1500 people. Played well, got down to the final hundred even though I really didn't get cards, and with my stack getting short I got it all in with QQ vs. A-7. He went runner-runner for the gutshot and put me out. I think I've said this before, but I don't know how you guys who play BIG buy-in events, live and online, deal with tough bustout hands. I howled, howled, howled, howled when that eight hit on the river to knock me out. I played for 3 1/2 hours and made five bucks profit. Awesome.

I've been running very well in the Mookie's lately, but not tonight. For I think the third time this year I crippled myself playing the Hammer for all my chips. I keep forgetting, the Hammer is a RAISING hand, not a CALLING hand. Fool!

UK Casinos

2007-03-14T22:40:00.000-04:00

This is a paid advertisement for UK Casinos

These days our cousins across the pond seem to have a more enlightened attitude toward poker than we in the U.S.A. And if you're planning a trip to the United Kingdom anytime soon, it might help to know what gaming options you have once you get there. UK Casinos is a online directory that gives you info on a wide variety of topics.

You get listings for casinos throughout the UK, as well as phone numbers and addresses. Which is important—in Britain you can’t just walk through the front door with a purse filled with pounds and start gambling. You either have to be a member of the casino or be a guest of a member. And once you apply, you MUST wait 24 hours after you submit your application before you can gain admittance. Getting turned away and being told to return on the morrow is likely to ruin your evening. I remember reading about this rule in Anthony Holden’s classic Big Deal, and it’s still in effect today. Plan accordingly.

UK Casinos provides info on other subjects as well (like bookmakers, online forums, even careers in gaming). If you plan on crossing the Atlantic and want to have a flutter while you’re there, this guide can give you some useful information.

Is There No Problem Gambling Can't Solve?; or, OK, Maybe Now I'll Buy That Malkin Jersey

2007-03-13T10:57:00.000-04:00

So the Penguins are going to stay, and Pittsburgh is going to have a brand-new arena to replace the beloved but pretty disgusting Mellon Arena. It was touch and go for awhile, but the deal is apparently done. We'll get to watch Crosby, Malkin, Staal, Fleury et al build a new dynasty. The city is already in a tizzy over the Pens--with the new arena in the works and the playoffs looming I pity the poor Pirates. Opening Day will be overshadowed by both the NHL playoffs AND the NFL Draft.

We could argue over why a financially-strapped city like Pittsburgh, fresh from bankruptcy, would spend oodles of money building an arena for a team that plays in a sport without a national TV contract. We could also argue why cities pony up hundreds of millions to build stadia and arenas...if these sports are so popular and successful, why don't the TEAMS build them and keep all the revenues? But that's a subject for another day.

Instead I'll bring your attention to some comments made by Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell:

"Make no mistake about it -- without expanded gaming in Pennsylvania, the Penguins would be gone. The first puck would have been dropped next year in Kansas City."

And:

"If you don't like gaming, understand that we would have lost a very important institution for Pittsburgh. The Penguins would have been gone," Mr. Rendell said.

It's rather a conflicting message our governments are sending about gambling, yes? To some in government, online gaming is an evil comparable to child pornorgraphy. Gambling is a vice that is ripping apart the social fabric and is turning our young people into a mob of degenerate grifters. To others, gaming is our great Economic Saviour, which magically multiplies loaves and fishes and erases in a flash years of financial mismanagement and short-sighted politics.

Personally, I think the true nature of gambling falls, oh, somewhere in between those two extremes. But then, I'm not a politician. I don't have to take extreme positions.

Here We Go Again

2007-03-08T10:19:00.000-05:00

Sigh, another day, another half-assed (well, quarter-assed) article about the dangers of gambling. As I've said before, I'm not saying that gambling addiction doesn't exist. I'm not saying it isn't a potentially destructive vice. I'm not saying that it's OK for 13-year-olds to play blackjack. But if we're going to discuss the issue, we need to be diligent about the facts and examine them with clear yet critical eye.

Which didn't occur in an article that appeared in today's San Diego Union-Tribune (Google news alerts are addictive). We get the usual anecdotes, the usual anonymous "studies", the "experts" whose vague statements are taken as gospel truth. Statements like this one:

“This is the first generation of kids growing up in a gambling-permissive society,” said Bruce Roberts, head of the California Council on Problem Gambling(.)

Is this accurate? I don't think so. I played poker with my uncles and cousins when I was growing up. My dad brought home football pools from work for me to fill out for fun. The state lotteries existed when I was a kid. Seemed like society permitted gambling back then. It's true that gambling is more pervasive and more popular these days, with casinos springing up all over the country and the winners of SuperMegaHyper national lotteries becoming the lead story on CNN. But kids today aren't the first to live in a gambling-permissive society. No way.

From Charlene Simmons, the assistant director of the California Research Bureau (they do the research on EVERYTHING in California?) we learn that underage gambling is a "serious issue". Ms. Simmons:

Studies have found that “adolescents, particularly boys, who engage in adult forms of gambling are more likely to develop into problem and pathological gamblers,” she told members of a state Senate committee last week.
Data collected in Oregon suggest “California could have as many as 600,000 adolescent problem and pathological gamblers,” Simmons said.

I know I sound like a broken record, but...WHAT STUDIES? Conducted by who? Whom, sorry. And the statement "data collected in Oregon suggest CALIFORNIA could have as many as 600,000 adolescent problem and pathological gamblers" does NOT fill me with confidence. Why use data from another state to analyze California teens? And the 600,000 number sounds ABSURDLY high. California's total population is around 37 million. Ms. Simmons is saying that around 1.6% of California's ENTIRE POPULATION is a degenerate teenage gambler. One out of 63 people. Before I believe that, I need a lot more information.

So the statistics aren't good, and the anecdotal evidence ain't much better:

It's unclear how prevalent gambling is among high school students.
“We have quite a few students who are active in gaming and gambling,” said Scott Chodorow, director of student activities at Torrey Pines. “To what extent, I do not know.”

I don't mean to pick on a high school kid who was probably nervous talking to a reporter. But that reporter should've known better than use this quote. Lead him into a more logical statement than the one used here. Basically what we have here is, "Kids here gamble...I think. Actually, I have no clue".

Perhaps the most outrageous statement in the piece came from Fred Becker, described as a Carlsbad educator. After making some reasonable statements about kids being more likely to take risks and that they don't always think long-term, he makes this baseless accusation:

Local Indian casinos are on the lookout for young gamblers, Becker said.

Um, that's a pretty serious charge. Any evidence to support this? Nope, the reporter just throws that line in there with no preamble. Oddly, this is the very next paragraph:

At Viejas, for instance, those 17 and younger are allowed on the casino floor only if they're walking to a restaurant with an adult, and not at all after 8 p.m. or before 8 a.m., said spokesman Robert Scheid.

The reporter seems to present this as evidence that Indian casinos DO target young gamblers (hence the "for instance") but the quote is from a casino spokesman saying that people 17 and younger aren't allowed on the casino floor unless they're going to dinner AND accompanied by an adult. Very strange.

It's also strange that in the middle of the piece Ms. Simmons is quoted as saying, "as far as I could find out, no California lottery retailer, racetrack or card room has been seriously disciplined for allowing . . . minors to engage in gambling,", while we don't read until the final paragraphs the attitude of the casino spokesman Robert Scheid:

It has trained staff members to look for underage and problem gamblers, he said.
“Ultimately, they're destructive to themselves, their families and their communities,” he said. “Frankly, it's not good for business.”

I've never been to Commerce or the Bicycle Club, but I assume they card people who look like teenyboppers but show up to play poker. Not that I would assume this, if I were a reporter--I'd call them up and ask how they keep the underage out. I'd also double-check Ms. Simmons' statement about there being no action taken against those who let minors gamble. Is that true? Why should we rely on her research? Shouldn't the reporter have done his own?

I guess these little screeds are more about the state of journalism these days than the debate about the evils of gambling. It's easy to snip at reporters who don't fact-check or think or ask follow-up questions, and I know there are deadline pressures and whatnot. I sympathize. But...come on! When someone tells you that there might be 600,000 problem teenage gamblers, you're B.S. detector has to start chiming. "Really? That many? How do you know that?" That should be automatic. But these days, it isn't.

Fuck Mark Kreidler

2007-03-06T20:32:00.000-05:00

Funny, I always thought that ESPN would be against the government trying to restrict online poker. After all, how many programming hours has ESPN filled with the World Series of Poker? A zillion?

But after reading Mark Kreidler's hackjob, it looks like ESPN has it in for poker too. Kreidler's column is such a sneering putdown of the game I wonder if the Worldwide Leader will assist the Feds in a sting operation come the World Series.

Here's what Kreidler had to say about former Senator Al D'Amato joining the Poker Players Alliance:

Take the announcement this week that D'Amato is taking a "leadership position" with the Poker Players Alliance, a group you've never heard of that nevertheless is committed to doing God's work by protecting the rights of card players everywhere to lose money online.

No one's ever heard of the PPA? Odd, as ESPN's Poker Club ran an interview with Michael Bolcerek and Phil Gordon spoke at length with Bolcerek on The Poker Edge podcast. And, of course, it'd be nice if ESPN did more to promote the PPA (and other issues surrounding online poker as well), but it took ESPN about 10 days to acknowledge the arrest of the 2 Neteller founders--and that only merited a paragraph. And of course ESPN assisted in the whitewash concerning the extra $2 million in chips that was introduced in last year's WSOP Main Event. I know, expecting courageous leadership from ESPN on a controversial issue is the height of naivety.

But let's return to Kreidler. He writes that D'Amato "railed against the law passed last year that makes it extremely difficult to play poker on the Internet, saying Congress ought to be more concerned with terrorism and drug trafficking (assuming it isn't)". In fact, here's what D'Amato actually said in the New York Times:

The money being spent to outlaw poker and enforce the ban, Mr. D’Amato said, could be better spent “in the battle against money laundering, trafficking in drugs, or trafficking in terrorism.”

In no way did D'Amato say that Congress was more concerned with poker than terrorism. Rather a difference, yes?

Kreidler also has some difficulty understanding big numbers. He quotes D'Amato (accurately, for a change) "You don't have 70 million people participating in baseball." Kreidler then writes:

In fact, the PPA's news release estimates that only about 23 million people played Internet poker last year, meaning Al has a bunch of Friday night garages to fill if he's going to get his sport up to 70 million nationally. But why let all that cigar smoke get in the way of a good story?

Or, in Kreidler's case, why let the facts get in the way. For while the PPA states that 23 million people played ONLINE poker last year, their website says that 70 million Americans play poker...PERIOD. Online, in home games, with Grandma at Christmas. Again, rather a difference between online players and ALL players. A difference Kreidler is unable (or unwilling) to discern. I don't know that I believe either number, mind you--but I do understand the difference between them.

Then Kreidler, sitting in a glass house, decides to throw some stones:

"D'Amato is one of the more famous poker players in congressional history, assuming such a list might exist, and that takes in a whole lot of territory normally reserved for calculated liars, convicted cheats and general obfuscators -- and we still haven't gotten to the poker table yet."

There's probably only one group of people more reviled in this country than politicans...and that's journalists. And Kreidler doesn't do his profession much credit with this piece.

Nor with this graf:

Of course, D'Amato is working for money. The PPA, which puts its membership at 160,000 (again, take it or leave it as an estimate) is taking aim at a bill passed last year that banned using credit cards or online payment systems as part of online poker and other gaming activities on the Internet. D'Amato is a longtime player, mostly with a regular group of friends and colleagues rather than online. Still, put such theological synergy together with the ability to pay up, and you've got yourself a lobbyist.

Huh. Did Kreidler call D'Amato to ask how much he's getting paid by the PPA? Or if he ever plays online? Nor did Kreidler do any research to find out if the home games D'Amato plays in (or similar games around the country) are in danger of being raided by SWAT teams--which of course has happened in certain places. Nah, why bother doing any research, thinking, work. Not when there's easy snark to be had.

Easy snark, but not intelligent snark, as we see here:

What D'Amato and the PPA seem to hate the most is the fact that Congress casually lumped in poker with other online games of chance. As they see it, poker is a game of skill and chance, which therefore entitles Al to call it a sport, which blah blah blah -- you can see where this is going.

This is just fucking stupid. What bothers online poker players isn't that it's being called a game of chance--it's that it's being called a FEDERAL CRIME. Call poker a sport, a game, a pastime, a goddam blue kangaroo--just let me play it when I want, for the stakes I want, without government interference. THAT'S the issue, for Chrissakes.

Of course, this isn't the stupidest thing Kreider wrote, oh no!

D'Amato rallies to the defense of those brave and heroic online gamers, who evidently need protecting in the form of Congressional legal re-interpretation. (Translation: Exempt poker from the no-credit-card law, and we're good to go.)

Let me say this so slowly that even a 20-watt bulb like Mark Kreidler can follow along: online poker players aren't calling themselves brave and heroic. We're not asking for protection. What we want is for the Federal Government to stop telling us how we can spend our time and our money. Get off our fucking backs, that's the message we're trying to send. I mean, does Kreidler live in a cave? He doesn't see how the Federal Government has been stripping away our civil rights? Habeas corpus, Jose Padilla, Guantanamo Bay...these are all foreign to him? And while online poker hardly counts in the big scheme of things, it's part of an overall pattern of the government taking away the rights of citizens to live as they please. The extremists our government panders to want to keep Americans from engaging in behavior THEY think is icky. Online poker, trans-fats, smoking in bars...how much longer before booze, porn and cunnilingus all face legislative oblivion?

Why not let Kreidler prove one last time how frigging stupid he is with his own words?

D'Amato also raises a point with which American history is likely to agree, even if it's comically misguided here. "Prohibitions don't work," he said in the PPA's news release. "They only create unintended consequences."
Just like liquor, in other words. Well, drinking, gambling you get the idea. Try to ban card games online, and they'll only start playing poker in somebody's living room late at night, buying their own chips or using makeshift materials like pretzels and M&Ms as token "money." Where will the madness end?

Like you, I don't see what's "comically" misguided about this comparison, but perhaps Kreidler's sense of humor is warped as well. D'Amato actually answered Kreidler's point about how this ban will affect online poker: "Online poker will only go further underground, (D'Amato) continued, providing an opening for unscrupulous foreign operators seeking to take advantage of the hunger of Americans to play poker. 'When you have regulation, where you have openness, you can ensure you have a game that won’t be unfairly cut or disadvantaged or manipulated,' Mr. D’Amato said." Seems pretty obvious to me--ban online poker, players will turn to shady operators who are far more likely to rip them off or take advantage of them. A good parallel to the Prohibition of alcohol in the Twenties, I'd say.

When I took my first journalism class at Penn State we had an assignment to write a simple news story. I turned it in, and the next day I got it back with a big red F that covered the entire page. "You misspelled a person's name," my prof said, in front of the entire class. "That's inexcusable. You had the information right there. You didn't check. You were lazy. You get an F." I never forgot that lesson. Of course, maybe that's why I didn't go into journalism--these days you can make stuff up, invent facts out of whole cloth, misquote people, proudly display your ignorance of a subject--and all that means is that you'll get a gig with a big media company like ESPN.

UPDATE: In the comments Gary Carson left a link to a post he wrote that listed his concerns about the PPA. Just because ESPN ripped the PPA, and I ripped ESPN, doesn't mean that the PPA should get automatic support from poker players. No way. If they propose to speak for all of us, then we need to pay special attention to WHAT they're saying and HOW they're saying it.

Daniel Negreanu also wrote something about Kreidler's column, though he didn't use the word "fuck" as much as I did. I should've given that word up for Lent--it's lazy, base, and beneath my dignity. But I was ticked off.

Targeting Your Audience

2007-02-26T22:17:00.000-05:00

I love watching High Stakes Poker on GSN. One of my favorite show, certainly my favorite poker show out there. I have just about every episode taped and when I want some pleasing background noise I'll throw in a tape.

I've been on something of a High Stakes Poker jag lately and I've noticed something odd. The commercials they show don't advertise products and services that I'd normally associate with the poker-playing public.

For example, if you asked me who is the biggest advertiser on High Stakes Poker, I'd say it's probably eHarmony, the online dating site. Their commercials are CONSTANTLY on. I'm starting to develop an emotional attachment to the happy couples who met through their service. I want to know, are they still together, did they get married?

Another big advertiser is Weight Watchers. Kirstie Alley's constantly on my screen singing the praises of the paradox that is low-cal fettuccine alfredo.

I just don't get it. This is the audience these companies want to target? Are poker fans likely customers of companies that help you find dates and lose weight?

Oh.

Just answered my own question.

The World Series of Poker...In England

2007-02-26T09:36:00.000-05:00

Harrah's just announced that the inaugural World Series of Poker Europe will be held in London from September 6-16. Am I the only one who thinks that this is, like, a really horrible idea? From a brand dilution standpoint? Unless Harrah's plans on moving the entire WSOP from Vegas to London next year. Which ain't gonna happen. Not that anything surprises me these days.

I Got Nuthin'

2007-02-23T09:57:00.000-05:00

Haven't been writing. Well, that's not true. Been writing a TON. Just not here. I apologize. Some nice stuff has been happening lately. Y'know...nice. Let's leave it at that. But there are days when I find myself smiling even after I read Bill's latest posts.

Just a couple of poker-related things so I don't lose my WPBT membership. I was watching a taped episode of this season's High Stakes Poker, and there was a hand where Doyle Brunson was trapping Jamie Gold. I know, there were quite a few of those. But as Doyle decided how much money he was going to liberate from Gold's stack they cut to a shot of Mike Matusow happily drumming on the rail with a goofy smile on his face. He was bouncing around in his chair and a deadpan Gabe Kaplan said, "You don't have any Ritalin on you, do you A.J.?" I totally lost it. Somehow I missed that line the first time I saw it and I laughed so hard I think I coughed up blood.

This season hasn't been as good as the previous ones, and I blame the new players. Not that it isn't interesting to see guys like Gold, Paul Wasicka, Bill Chen and Victor Ramdin play, but none of them bring much personality to the table. Actually, of the four I think Chen was the most animated and chatty, and he's the math genius. Hey, has anyone actually READ "The Mathematics of Poker"? I bought it purely out of professional interest, and then I cracked it open and saw pages filled with equations. I laughed at the mere thought of me trying to fumble my way through and put it on the shelf. I'll give it a shot some other day.

Daniel Negreanu has a post today where he talks about seeing Citizen Kane for the first time. He writes thusly: "Now, the "theme" had been done, and redone in other films like, Click, Family Man, and several others, but a classic is a classic." Is this the first time Orson Wells's masterpiece has been compared to an Adam Sandler flick? Quite possibly.

I won a SNG yesterday by knocking out the final four players. In every instance I had the other guy dominated when the money went in...and no one sucked out. Not a one. Yeah, I know, I got a bit freaked too. Kept waiting for the piano to fall on me.

I will try to get back into the posting swing of things. I was going to post some cool pics of Daytona...but I didn't take many good ones. My friend Mark is right, it's better to take pictures with people in them as opposed to just pictures of the scenery. Don't think a pic of the hotel is gonna thrill you.

Journalism, or Graphic Design?

2007-02-19T20:46:00.000-05:00

We've seen reports like this before; college kid starts playing poker, gets in over his head, disaster ensues. You'd think a story like this wouldn't be "news" anymore, unless the kid went bonkers with an AK-47. Or started dating Britney Spears.

Don't get me wrong--gambling addiction is real, and people who have problems should get the help they need. I'm not a fool and I'm not a hack. Unlike the people who put together the piece I linked to. Watching it it's painfully obvious that they spent more time on post-production than actually gathering the facts and analyzing those facts.

For example, this line from the clip:

"Studies show students are two to three times more likely to become problem gamblers than any other age group"

Great reporting there. Let me ask a few questions of my own: Which studies? Conducted by whom? What was their methodology? Did they look at other forms of behavior (drinking, smoking, drug use, sex) and determine if college kids are more likely to engage in them? And while I'm not a statistical superstar, "two to three times" is not an especially precise refinement. The difference between something happening 2x times instead of 3x times is a...50% difference, yes? If I recall correctly from my B-school stats class, that would be a "big" difference.

The piece is constructed on these ephermal, nonsensical factoids. Several students are quoted as saying things like "I know a couple people who have had to kind of drop out of school because of gambling debt getting pretty high", and "One of my friend's friends has won like 10k over a year". Wow, talk about some damning evidence. People had to "kind of" drop out because their debt got "pretty" high. And a friend of a friend won "like" ten grand. Can't argue with facts like that.

A school counselor and the director of a local hospital's recovery center talk about their experiences with students who have had problems with gambling. But, again, all we get are vague statements. We learn that "some kids have stolen, sold things to pay their debts." I'm sure that's happened, but I'm sure students have stolen and sold things for reasons other than to pay gambling debts. I once had to sell a couple of books to get enough money to buy food. True, I could've asked my folks for the money, but I had my pride. Pride, not money.

I don't mean to rip on these people who are actually trying to help young people make good decisions and treat those with problems. I wish them all the luck in the world, and I'm not trying to be funny. But I DO want to rip on the "journalists" who put this piece together. Because let's be honest here--they don't care that there might be college kids with gambling problems. They don't care that the vast majority of people can play poker or gamble without being at risk of becoming addicted. They aren't interested in the debate over whether the government should "protect" the people from activities that are "bad" for them.

All they care about is coming up with a sensationalist little piece that will grab the audience's attention. Like I said, the fact that they spent far more time and effort on the clever graphics and quick-cuts and recreations of players raking in chips proves that point. Why bother checking the facts? Why even bother gathering facts? Seems like no one else does these days.

Still Alive

2007-02-17T09:14:00.000-05:00

Sick as a dog. Brought a cold back from Florida and after it took a brief hiatus, it clobbered me yesterday. I've been meaning to do a little photo dump from Daytona, but not today. Not now, anyway.

A few random observations:

Does anyone have a clue how to play AK? I'm so gunshy with it now that I wince everytime I see a flop with it. That happens when you run top pair into a set two times in a row and then twice again getting all your chips in on a scary board...only to have your opponent also turn over AK. It kinda sucks to make a good call and only chop the pot.
The Mustang convertible we drove around down there was a nice car. Nice looking, nice to drive. I like Mustangs. One teensy complaint--why the hell did Ford ruin the car by making the interior so friggin' cheap? The spokes of the steering wheel look like brushed stainless...no, they're plastic. And crappy plastic at that. And the gearshift? It's one of those low, cylindrical shifters that looks a bit like the throttle control of a fighter jet. Fine. Thing is, the plastic was so flimsy I thought I could twist it off with a jerk of my wrist. It was like it was manufactured by Fisher-Price, not Ford Motor Company. Inexcusable. They could've spent an extra $500 and made a huge difference to the overall feel of the car. That they didn't boggles my mind. Well, I guess there's a reason why Ford lost like $16 billion last year. And the Mustang is one of their SUCCESSFUL models.
I played in a little tournament last night before I passed out from my cold meds, and over the space of four hands aces were cracked twice and kings once. And I did one of the crackjobs. Felt good.

OK, that's all from me. Feel awful. Just wanted to put something up. Nap time.

We Few, We Happy Few, We Band of Bloggers

2007-02-11T08:57:00.000-05:00

Being in Florida and partying like a rock star (got ice cream last night!) I missed this comment left by Julius_Goat in response to my post about busting with the Hammer during the Hammer Day blogger event. I made mention of Henry V's speech before the battle of Agincourt, and Mr. Goat went and ran with it. It's far too good not to repost here. Actually, also read the version written by Billy S. as well. I'm moved to tears every time I hear Kenneth Branaugh in his version of the film; it's all I can do to keep myself from taking up my sword and slaughtering the French nobility.

What's he that wishes so?
My cousin Bill Rini? No, my fair cousin;
If we are mark'd to bust, we are enow
To do our country loss; and if to live,
The worse the card, the greater share of honour.
God's will! I pray thee, wish not one card more.
By Jove, I am not covetous for gold,
Nor care I who doth feed upon my cost;
It yearns me not if men my garments wear;
Such outward things dwell not in my desires.
But if it be a sin to covet honour,
I am the most offending soul alive.
No, faith, my coz, wish not Aces from Lee Jones.
God's peace! I would not lose so great an honour
As one man more methinks would share from me
For the best hope I have. O, do not wish one more!
Rather proclaim it, Mean Gene, through my host,
That he which hath no stomach to this fight,
Let him depart; his ePassport shall be made,
And T-bucks for convoy put into his purse;
We would not be felted in that man's company
That fears the hammer raise to die with us.
This day is call'd the feast of Grubby.
He that sucks out this day, and scoops the pot,
Will stand a tip-toe when this day is nam'd,
And rouse him at the name of Grubby.
He that shall live this day, and see th' bubble burst,
Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,
And say 'To-morrow is Saint Grubby.'
Then will he call hand histories and show his scars,
And say 'These sick beats I had on Grubby's day.'
Old men forget; yet all shall be forgot,
But he'll remember, with advantages,
What feats he did that day. Then shall our names,
Familiar in his mouth as household words-
Iggy the King, Pauly and Katitude,
Hoy and Speaker, Daddy, Otis, Al Can't Hang-
Be in their flowing cups freshly rememb'red.
This story shall the good man teach his son;
And Grubby Grubby Day shall ne'er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remembered-
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition;
And gentlemen in Canada now-a-bed
Shall think themselves accurs'd they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought UIGA with us upon Saint Grubby's day.

Everybody's An Expert

2007-02-08T16:08:00.000-05:00

Back in our hotel room after a swim we turn on the TV and see the news that Anna Nicole Smith has died. In the middle of the usual baseless speculations CNN puts Dr. Sanjay Gupta on the screen explaining what paramedics do when they find someone unconscious and unresponsive on the floor.

Dr. Gupta says that you check the airway, check the breathing, then you intubate the person, and then you check for a heartbeat...

"That's wrong," Mark said. "You check the airway, give a few rescue breaths, and then you check for a heartbeat. If you don't find one you defibrillate immediately."

Then he said, "The protocols changed about five or six years ago, but, hey, he's the one on national TV talking about this stuff." Shrug.

So, don't believe everything you see. Or read. Or hear. Check, and double-check. Heck, I'm triple-checking Mark right now. These says, being a hard-core skeptic is the only way to safely get across the street.

Live By The Hammer...

2007-02-07T22:56:00.000-05:00

And you die by the Hammer. But what else could I do when I'm dealt 7-2 during this evening's Hammer Day tournament? I had a nice stack, over $7K, when I faced a raise whilst holding the Hammer. Fold? Fold? NEVER. GONNA. HAPPEN. I pushed in my mighty stack. Got called by AK. Felt like I was gonna hit. I felt it. In my bones, my marrow, my dingly-danglies.

Didn't hit.

Then, down to $3K, the Hammer again! A big raise in front! He's gonna be pot-stuck! He's gonna call for sure!! Fold? No one would know.

Except me.

How glorious it was to hit the MAX button and push in all my chips. For the first time I knew what it was like to be part of Henry's army at Agincourt on St. Crispin's Day!

I was up against pocket 5s. Uh-oh. That hand has a name too. Presto. Bad karma. I didn't hit, and was out. I didn't outlive this hand, nor came safe home. I did not stand on tip-toe when this Hammer Day is named. I went out in 42nd place. Henry V did better than me. Crap!

Daytona Thunder!

2007-02-04T17:45:00.000-05:00

My buddy Mark is going to a medical conference in Daytona on Tuesday. He says, "Man, I shoulda told you, we could've split the room, hung out at the pool, had a blast."

To Expedia!

Suffice to say I'll be down in eff-ell-aay on Tuesday. While I'm bringing my laptop and I'll be working down there (honest!) I wouldn't mind slinging a few chips while I'm down there. I'm pretty sure poker is legal down there, so...when in Daytona, where is the best place to play cards? While Mark is learning his sports medicine down there ("Does it hurt when I do...THIS!!!!) maybe I'll head to a cardroom and play a little pokah. That way I can write the trip off on my taxes! America the Goddam Beautiful!!

I Used To Be Disgusted, But Now I Try To Be Amused

2007-02-04T15:22:00.000-05:00

Every day brings more and more bad news to the poker community. It looks like folks who had money with Neteller might never see it again, as the Feds have decided to call dibs on it. Part of an alleged criminal enterprise, don't you know. And then this past Friday Mansion Poker decided to leave the US market.

Which I found interesting, as I'm watching the Penguin game and they just had an ad for the Mansion Poker/Poker Dome show. Huh. Mansion Poker (the .net version, but still) is advertising on US televsion. Just an hour ago I watched Mike Matusow defeat Antonio Esfandiari for the Poker Superstars 3 title. Matusow wore his Full Tilt gear; Antonio dazzled in his magenta UltimateBet chemise.

If there's anything in this world that I hate, that I cannot abide and feel the need to scream and rant about, it's hypocrisy. Saying one thing, doing another. The more worldly among you might want to pat me on the head and say, "Geno, hypocrisy is what makes the world go 'round". And I'm not that naive, believe me. I guess what especially bothers me these days is that the hypocrisy is so transparent, so blatant, there isn't even any attempt to gloss it over. I think this is because people are either too stupid to see the hypocrisy, or they're so lazy they don't care.

I'm not just talking about poker, of course. The state of poker these days is merely a convenient way of illustrating my point. One that I have a personal interest in, of course.

I'm gonna go watch the Super Bowl and drink. The Super Bowl. Biggest gambling day of the year. Watch your back, people.

Baby It's Cold Outside

2007-02-03T13:41:00.000-05:00

I should go to the gym and work out. I probably will. But I don't wanna. I wanna stay here where it's nice and warm.

Took that picture this morning. No lie, the icicles grew another six inches from all the runoff this morning. If this was my house I'd be outside with a big stick knocking them off so the gutters don't peel away from the roof. But this isn't my house. I rent. Screw it. Then again, I like knocking icicles off gutters. Makes me feel like I'm cheating death as they fall to earth. And I'm all about cheating death.

After yesterday's bloodbath I played a little tournament last night just to clear my palate. Doubled up early on, and then I won one of those dream hands you, uh, dream about. I was dealt KJ and the flop came K-J-5, all hearts. I bet the pot and two players called, including one maniac who was triple-betting the pot every hand. The turn was the beautiful king of clubs, I checked, the maniac bet and we both called. The river was, oh joy, a heart. The first guy went all-in with the queen-high flush, the maniac went all-in with the ace-high flush, and I flipped over my boat. Very satisfying. I didn't cash, but I felt that my karma was back in balance.

If you haven't figured it out already, I'm writing this post just to postpone the moment when I must venture out into the cold and exercise. Once I get there I'll be glad I did, but, this damned inertia. OK, it's not fair wasting your time too. I actually have a couple of funny things to chat about, but I'll wait until I have a bit more time. Right now, I have to go exercise. Right now. Immediately. This...very...second. Yes. Now.

You Need Tables, We Got Tables

2007-02-03T13:38:00.000-05:00

This is a sponsored post for CardroomSupply.com

You decide to host a poker game, and in preparation you head to the store to purchase mass quantities of beer. You stop at the grocery store to get munchies and hot sausage...and while you're there you grab a few decks of cards and a big box of plastic poker chips.

And once you get home and put the beer on ice and the sausage in the slow-cooker, you dig through the laundry for the greenish tablecloth you used last Christmas and drape it over the dining-room table. It hangs all the way to the floor but, you know, it looks...OK.

No, it does not. It does not look OK. Nor do plastic poker chips feel or sound OK. They sound like plastic. And no matter how how tasty that hot sausage is, your poker game isn't going to be as much fun as it could have been, had you and your buddies had invested a few bucks in the proper equipment.

Equipment you can find at CardroomSupply.com, where they have a wide selection of poker tables, chips, and other goodies. Some of the tables are pretty pricey, and some aren't. If you've got a pretty steady group who plays buying a table and chips can be an investment that pays off for decades. Everyone could pony up a few bucks every time you play, and over the course of a year you might have enough to upgrade from the dining room table to one with actual green felt and cushy leather handrails.

And believe me, if you're playing at a real poker table with real poker chips, you and your friends will want to play a lot more often. And since you're by far the best player in the gang, you'll be raking in the cash. So it's a win-win proposition.

Worst. Morning. Ever.

2007-02-02T12:08:00.000-05:00

Woke up with a big of a morning head, so I decided to play a little poker before digging in for the day. After dropping, oh, 10% of my bankroll in an hour I decided to call it quits.

How did this catastrophe occur?

Lost to set-over-set...twice. Only lost 2/3 of my stack on the one, small blessing.
I have AK of diamonds, flop comes A-J-6, two diamonds. Couldn't help but get the money in. I end up getting stacked by AJ when I get no help.
I lose three big pots in quick succession to flushes that hit the river. Flopped a set, then the nut straight, on the last I turned the nut straight. Bet big. To no avail.
I have aces and see a Hammerflop--7-2-2. I pay off pocket sevens.

One of those days. Well, one of those hours.

UPDATE: After I posted this I put on some laundry, did some dishes, poured myself a nice glass of milk. Think I was still in a bit of shock. It isn't the amount of money that I lost--fairly piddling, and I've been running good lately. It's just how quickly in succession these hands came. My head's spinning. True, I was crushed preflop in half of them (and even more crushed after the flop). But, jeepers. It was the second set-over-set that tilted me into paralysis. I'd already decided to quit. I knew I was in a bad state. I'm dealt a pair, hit the set, and I thought "here's where I turn a disaster into a speed bump". Uh, no.

Another glass of milk should get me grounded again.

Today I Love Poker Very Much Plus Good

2007-01-31T23:52:00.000-05:00

This hand burned me a bit. Actually, a lot. Early in an SNG I have AJ in the small blind. We're only 15 hands in so I decide not to raise, let's see the flop first. And it comes K-Q-10.

OK, I flop Broadway. The big blind bets T200. The first limper, crippled early on, pushes his last T450. I decide to call, in case the small blind feels pushy. He doesn't.

The turn is the 5 of clubs. The big blind and I have just about the same number of chips. I check, fully expecting him to push. He does and I call with the nuts. I figured they might be drawing dead or to a tie. Uh, no. The original limper has KK. The big blind has KQ. And of course the river is a queen and they divvy up the pot. I go out in 9th place.

Now, that isn't what burned me. What burned me was that after I was eliminated and before I closed the table the guy with KQ said in chat, "That's what you get for not raising with a big ace."

"True true," said the guy who didn't raise with his kings.

I think it's this blinkered stupidity that I'll miss most if the fish pond dries up over the next few months. Every day, in almost every way, I despair for the future of my country.

And I'd feel exactly the same way if I'd won that damned hand.

Number One in the Hood, G

2007-01-31T17:55:00.000-05:00

An example of guerrilla marketing at it's finest.

Yes, I'm a huge fan of Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

And I don't even smoke pot.

Nice Abomination Guys

2007-01-29T09:55:00.000-05:00

Paul Lukas writes the "Uni Watch" column for ESPN's Page 2, and you might not know that he has a Uni Watch blog as well. Great stuff for the sports fanatic who also enjoys the world of fashion. Sports fashion, anyway.

I heard the Pirates had introduced some new uniforms at PirateFest this week but I missed seeing them. Oh, how I wish I'd missed them:

I mean, are you kidding me? I couldn't put it any better than Lukas did: this alternate jersey is a total fucking joke. It's beyond awful. The Pirates' insistence on involving red in their Black-and-Gold color scheme is bewildering. And in this case the execution lends credence to the idea that Pirate ownership is outta their frickin' minds.

Actually, the fourth jersey (the alternate-alternate) looks awful too. The black on on the end, I mean:

Lukas has a new Uni Watch standard for new uniforms: Is it good or is it stupid? How could the Pirates come up with TWO stupid designs? I mean, if you want a nice alternate jersey, how about all-black with the big "P" logo from the cap on the side, maybe with some gold trim? Or, if you want to bring back the "We Are Fam-A-Lee" days how about a gold jersey with black trim and the big "P" logo? Simple, clean lines, distinctive. Instead of the eyesores we'll be watching this season.

Poor Adam LaRoche. He gets traded from the Atlanta Braves to the Pirates, the PIRATES, and the first the team does to welcome him here and make him model this ketchup-flavored jersey. I see a 59-103 season ahead.

Third Ain't Bad, No It Isn't

2007-01-29T00:47:00.000-05:00

Took 3rd in the first WPBT event of the year. Lost to eventual winner rspr41 when I flopped the nut flush draw, hit a pair on the turn, but couldn't beat the king he flopped.

Of course, I had no business getting that deep. I was next-to-last in chips when I went on a tear after the first break and even had the lead for a smidge. I can't recall all the big hands, but I remember the biggest--with a good sized stack at the final table, I went all-in with KK after a raise and re-raise ahead of me. Smokkee called...and of course he had aces. And he had me covered. Seventh place loomed like a big looming thing, when a king spiked on the flop. "Shades of Farha" I wrote, recalling the hand Sammy won against Barry Greenstein on High Stakes Poker. Sick hand.

When it got to three-handed I went card-dead. I mean, the deck was dipped in liquid nitrogen. Our inhospitable chip leader beat our brains in and GCox refused to go belly up. I tread water but I couldn't get that one big hand. Until the final one. I had lots of outs, but this time I didn't get lucky. Sure got lucky along the way.

This after I played a satellite this afternoon and donk-a-donked my way out in about 17 seconds. That memory will keep me humble when I see my name on the WPBT Leaderboard.

I really need to start playing more tournaments. Not that tonight's finish has me thinking about hitting the tournament trail, but I do have fun with them. Of course, most opponents aren't as erudite and witty as tonight's group.

Angle-Shot at Roshambo

2007-01-28T00:01:00.000-05:00

After a long day's work a big gang headed to a local pub for beers. We were also there to celebrate a friend's birthday, and to see the latest affirmation of Sidney Crosby's genius. I was beat. Just wanted to hang, have a few, relax.

In the middle of my third Yuengling a trio of pretty girls started circulating through the crowd. "Is anyone interested in playing in a Rock-Paper-Scissors tournament?" My antennae twitched. Roshambo? As a poker player and blogger I like to think of myself as having an edge on the unwashed at Roshambo. There's no reason for this, of course--I tried playing Perry Friedman's RPS simulator a few times and it kicked my ass. But, as I said, I was in the middle of my third Yuengling. I threw my name in the hat, as did several of my friends.

First of all, a few of the contestants were WAAAAAAY too into it. There was a guy with a hairdo out of Eraserhead who was doing squat-jumps and exchanging psyche-up high-fives with his buddies. Right up to the point where my friend Matt wiped him out in two throws.

Rick and Amy also won their heats, and finally my number was called. My opponent was one of the overenthusiasts. He was your typical wild man--an enormous head of insane curly hair, full beard, crazed look in his eye. He unbuttoned all but the top button of his shirt and draped it over his shoulders like a cape. This was my opponent..

My tactics were straight out of the Rafe Furst playbook. "I'm throwing rock," I announced to my friends in the crowd. I made a fist and shook it at them. "Rock, here it comes." We faced off and the girl running the show told us that she'd count to three and that's when we'd shoot. Standard operating procedure.

Thing is, long before she started counting he started shaking his fist up and down. As if he had a palsy, or was warming up for a marathon masturbation session. We took our spots and she counted, "One, two, three, shoot."

But when she said "three" his fist was in downstroke and he presented his scissors . I stuck out my fist a beat later, when she actually said "shoot." "Awww!" he said, "Come on, he waited until I threw." Before I could say anything she said, "OK, we'll do that one over."

"Wait a second!" I said, but she was already counting again. Total bullshit! It's not my fault he can't count to three...and one after. Total. Bullshit.

My plan had been to announce rock, and throw rock, and then announce paper and throw...rock. Now my plans were for shit, because we were already in mid-throw. I threw rock again and he threw paper. One-nil. She counted again and we both threw rock.

Here I outsmarted myself, or, to be more accurate, I overestimated my opponent. I'd thrown rock the first three throws, and I hadn't won once. It was obvious I wouldn't throw rock again. Therefore, in response to my paper/scissors he would have to throw scissors/rock. Instead of being 1/3 to lose, it was 50/50 I'd win or tie.

I threw rock...and he inexplicably threw paper. What a frickin' donkey. If I'd followed expectations his paper couldn't have won. The best he could hope for was a tie. And he threw paper. Pathetic.

If you think that maybe this guy was in fact a Roshambo savant, uh, no. He got wiped the next round. A bit later he came out wearing a pair of tighty-whiteys on the outside of his jeans. And it's not that kind of a bar. Not at all.

My gang did very well, and we might've dominated the event had they not forced my friends to square off against each other. Matt knocked out Rick, Amy knocked out Matt, and Amy got knocked out by the eventual champion. Here's the bizarre thing--the matches were staged around a pool table, and there was a crowd three-deep watching. And they were INTO it. Yelling, screaming, bitching about how they got gypped (that was mostly me). As our waitress said at one point, "People are taking this a BIT too seriously".

Matt and Amy got T-shirts. Everyone got Mardi-Gras beads. I declined the offer. Like the 1972 Olympic men's basketball team who refused their silver medals after getting cheated by the refs, I wanted no cheap token as consolation for the shafting I received. I'm too mature and well-adjusted to sink to that level.

What's a Mook?

2007-01-24T23:48:00.000-05:00

Haven't watched Mean Streets in awhile. That's one of my favorite lines from it. "I'm a mook...what's a mook?"

Finished 19th in the Mookie tonight as DuggleBogey knocked me out. That's twice in two weeks. I chipped up early thanks to hitting a pair and the nut flush draw and after pushing I rivered poor Katitude. Then I had the very real pleasure of having Otis sit down on my right with a big stack. As I said at the time, awesome.

I tread water until I was moved to a new table (my system glitched and I didn't get to the table until my timer beeped) and I had pocket 8s. I raised, Duggle re-raised, and I pushed. He had AQ and flopped. I didn't even get to say hello before I had to say goodbye.

Because I'm vain and insecure in equal measures I checked my SiteMeter stats today and got rather a shock. Lots and lots of hits, about 5x normal. I looked to see where all these folks were coming from and got another shock. Seems that Justin Fox, who writes the Curious Capitalist blog for Time Magazine, linked to something I wrote. Not something poker-related--it was my little snit-fit about the Post-Gazette using "Mr." and "Mrs." when referring to someone and wasting all that space. So that was pretty cool. Though I wonder how the hell he found his way here...

Listen to the Man

2007-01-24T15:52:00.000-05:00

I've nearly given up reading Bill Rini's blog because everything he writes these days is SO depressing. Online poker's in deep trouble, people don't know how bad things are, blah blah blah. What a drag.

Unfortunately, everything he's said on the subject so far seems to be spot-on correct. Terrifyingly so. I don't have Bill's expertise in building ACH networks, but I did work for a bank for a few years and know a bit about how those transactions are, uh, transacted, and it would be as nothing for banks to turn off the spigot. Indeed, Bill has a post today titled Why ACH Went Away that explains the situation quite nicely.

Bill also has a post today that is a must-read for anyone and everyone who plays online poker. Read it in it's entirety, but let me quote part of it here. Bill was engaged in conversation with Haley, who said, "So Messrs. Shulman and Ivey, Seif and Hellmuth, Brunson and Negreanu, and all you others: It’s time to make a stand."

To which Bill replied,

No Haley, it’s not time for Shulman, Ivey or Brunson to fight your fight. It’s time for you to fight this fight. It’s time for you, and me, and everybody who gives a rat’s ass. As much as I like old Pappa Doyle it’s easy to ignore one man. It’s hard to ignore millions of people. It’s even harder to ignore millions of pissed off people.

While I agree with Haley that it would be NICE if the big names would come forward and lend their weight, the question every single poker players should be asking is that, "What can I do to help?" We keep hearing that there are 50 million poker players in the United States. Where are they?

Why, as Bill asks, wasn't there an mob outside the courthouse where the two Neteller founders were arraigned? Why has the response to Neteller's withdrawal from the U.S. market been a collective shrug and an application to Click2Pay? Party Poker, the biggest online poker room in the world, shuttered its doors to American players and no one really seemed to mind. "I'll just play at Poker Stars, Full Tilt, Ultimate Bet".

That is NOT a happy state of affairs, people. Searching out kinda-acceptable alternatives to successful and reliable companies forced out by the government is NOT a long-term solution. What happens when these stop-gap measures are also choked off, as they almost certainly will be?

The answer to this problem is not pre-paid phone cards or opening an Antiguan bank account. The answer is to get online poker legalized. That's not the best-case scenario--almost certainly, it's the ONLY case.

So, again, the question every poker player should be asking is "What can I do? What can I do to get online poker legalized?" Waiting for Doyle Brunson and Phil Hellmuth and Howard Lederer to save the day is NOT acceptable behavior. Aggression is rewarded at the poker table, but if poker players continue to be so passive about fighting this there won't be a game left to play. The government is trying to kill online poker, and they'll succeed if players don't try to stop them.

Don't just sit there. Join the Poker Players Alliance. Throw a few bucks their way--think of it as a long-term positive EV investment. Write to your senators and representatives, and tell them (politely) why poker should be legalized. The next time your friends get together to play a little penny-ante try to get them involved too.

Let's not forget, the targeting of online poker is just one minor offshoot of a broad assault on our civil liberties. Over the last few years the Bush Administration decided (and wasn't checked by the supine Republican Congress) that it has the right to arrest and imprison you without charge. You can be held indefinitely without access to counsel. Your phone calls can be intercepted without a warrant, your financial records accessed without your permission. Laws that the President doesn't want to follow can be ignored thanks to "signing statements". The Attorney General said that there's no right to habeas corpus in the Constitution. Very scary stuff.

The trend in this country has been toward giving up our rights in the name of "security". Why so many of my fellow Americans have felt that the best way to feel secure is to abandon their responsibilities as citizens is beyond me, but that's a post for another day. Or, no, it isn't--read Fhwrdh's post about the boiling frog treatment we've gotten in the U.S. the last few years.

Get mad, dammit, and then do something about it. Don't wait for someone else to save online poker. Join the fight. There's strength in numbers. Especially where politicians facing re-election are concerned.

Late Payment is Not an Option

2007-01-23T15:48:00.000-05:00

Kinda forgot about this, hard as that might be to believe. About a week ago I had to fax something out and walked to my apartment complex's rental office. Beautiful day, not too cold, blue skies.

The rental office has several conference rooms, a small gym, a big living room with fireplace and kitchen, and an office right off the foyer with two desks and file cabinets. High ceilings, lots of windows, lots of light. The pool is right next door. Cozy little place.

So I walked in to find a young woman I've never seen before behind the desk. I say that I'm there to use the fax, she says that's fine, I do my business and head back out the front door.

And then I see something sitting in the middle of the living room. Something I didn't expect to see. A couple of weeks ago there was a big Christmas tree. Today...

Today there's a Gatling gun.

A Gatling gun. Don't know what a Gatling gun is? Go visit Wikipedia and educate yourself. Not that there's a pressing need to know what it is, as it's been obsolete since the late nineteenth century. Unless you count the rotary cannons used in modern attack aircraft. Which I'm not.

Because this friggin' thing won't fit in an A-10 Thunderbolt. It's as big as an artillery piece. Which it is, kinda:

"Um," I said to the young woman. "That's a Gatling gun."

She smiled. "Yes."

She didn't clarify further so I said, "Why is there a Gatling gun sitting there in the living room?"

"I don't know," she said.

A perfectly acceptable answer so far I was concerned, because what good reason COULD there be for having a Gatling gun sitting there in the lobby? I can't come up with anything. Better off not knowing the reasons that put it there in the first place. Ignorance = bliss.

It's a pretty scary looking piece of machinery. Bet it would make a big bang. Anyone know where I can score some ammo?

Think I'll be paying the rent early this month. To be on the safe side.

We Are! Penn State!!

2007-01-21T11:49:00.000-05:00

How the hell did I miss that Ryan Daut, who won the PokerStars Caribbean Adventure down at Atlantis, is a Nittany Lion? I read Otis's every word, but I don't recall that "Penn State" or "Nittany Lion" or "Happy Valley" were among them! For shame!

$1.5 million will buy many cases of Rolling Rock ponies down at the Skeller. If the Skeller still sold ponies in cases. And if Rolling Rock hadn't been bought out by Budweiser. The world marches on, alas.

Welcome, Mike Tomlin

2007-01-21T00:40:00.000-05:00

May I be among the first to welcome Mike Tomlin, the Steelers new head coach, to Pittsburgh. I didn't believe it when CNN reported his hiring, as I wouldn't trust CNN's sports staff to sit the right way on a toilet seat. But when Chris Mortensen reported it, I believed.

I wanted Ken Whisenhunt and/or Russ Grimm to get the job. Both, I thought, would be outstanding head coaches. The fact that neither got the job leads me to believe that Tomlin is something special.

And as the Steelers last two head coaches were Hall of Famers, I'll put my faith in the Rooney's judgement.

I'm excited about the hire. From reports he might've been the hot property on the market next year. Why not get him now.

Feel bad for Grimm. Dunno if he would stay on and work under Tomlin until another gig comes open. Changes are coming. Will the Steelers switch to the 4-3? I don't think they have the personnel for that.

Regardless. Welcome to Pittsburgh, Mike Tomlin. The city opens its arms to you!

Just win.

Right away.

Win.

No pressure.

An Afternoon of WTF?

2007-01-20T18:05:00.000-05:00

I'm watching the end of the Texas Tech-Kansas game. There's been a big ice storm down Lubbock way. Good game, KU making a big comeback. Tech gets an offensive rebound and scores with a blocking foul to boot. And then Fran Fraschilla, commenting on Kansas's lack of movement after the rebound, says, "Kansas was like Buddy Holly..." long pause, "in that ice storm."

Didn't Buddy Holly (and Richie Valens and the Big Bopper) die in a plane crash in an ice storm?

WTF made Fraschilla say that? I mean, WTF? Ron Franklin didn't say anything for a long second probably thinking the same thing. WTF? Be interested to see if there's any fallout from that.

And CNN/SI is reporting that the Steelers will name Mike Tomlin head coach instead of Russ Grimm. Tomlin denies it, so do the Rooneys, and ESPN is saying that the decision has not been made. CNN's sports coverage isn't good enough to even be a joke, and I wouldn't trust them to be right about a subject like this. So, WTF? Is Tomlin the new coach or not?

My Hands Are Tied--And Not In The Kinky, Fun Way

2007-01-19T15:28:00.000-05:00

Twice I've started long, impassioned posts about the chaos surrounding online poker after the Neteller arrests, and I've had to check myself because I'm not completely free anymore to spout off. I write about poker for UB now and I have to take that into account. Not that anyone has in any way censored me, but I don't want them tarred with my hysterical ramblings.

That said, I went over to ESPN's Poker Club page today and they still, STILL, have nothing about the arrests and what that might mean. NOTHING. Not even a link to a wire story in their News sidebar.

Nor did Jeffrey Pollack, the WSOP commissioner, say anything about online poker being under siege in his chat over at USA Today. A chat populated by some of the Stupidest Goddam People On The Face Of The Goddam Earth.

Their silence is rather deafening. Don't they hear the cries of a beautiful golden goose being strangled? A goose that has laid quite a few golden eggs for them the last 4 years? Or perhaps they've just decided that silence is golden enough for them these days.

Think I'll go stick a fork in my eye and get back to work.

Dumb Question Time

2007-01-17T17:18:00.000-05:00

As the title of this post announces, I have a dumb question--Could an online poker site run a commercial arguing why online poker should be legalized? Like, could PokerStars, Full Tilt, UltimateBet, etc get together and, say, buy a 60-second commercial during the Super Bowl? Would that be legal? Would the network run it?

Could this be an effective way to get the legalize-poker message out there to the 50 million Americans who allegedly play the game? The Super Bowl is the biggest wagering day of the year and it's typically the most-watched event of the year. And some people pay more attention to the commercials than the game itself. How about a 60-second spot where, oh, Howard Lederer and Greg Raymer and Annie Duke (each representing a different site) pitch this idea to the American public. They could:

explain the underhanded way the UIGEA was passed
point out the hypocrisy of those who say that online poker is detrimental to society, as lotteries and horse racing were exempted
point out that people with gambling problems are those most likely to try to circumvent the laws (and therefore are most likely to be exploited by unscrupulous operators)
say that most people play poker for fun, be it online or with friends or family
that poker players aren't criminals, and that they shouldn't be treated as such
that the ban on poker is merely another attempt by the government to dictate how you should live your life
explain that if poker was legalized, regulated, and taxed it would allow the government to protect players from shady sites, provide aid to those with gambling problems, and raise billions in tax revenue

I'm sure I'm missing some important points here, but would this be legal? Perhaps "legal" is the wrong word here, thanks to the twilight zone we find ourselves in. Would a network show something like this? They broadcast poker 24/7, but I don't know if they (or, more importantly, the FCC) would let it see the light of day.

Like I said, it may be a dumb question. But desperate times call for desperate measures.

UPDATE: I should say that I posted this in lieu of a much-longer piece about the whole Neteller arrest awfulness and how we're all about to jump in the handbag for our trip to Hell. Instead of just wondering how bad things are going to get I'm trying to think of ways to make things better. Extravagant, fanciful things.

UPDATE UPDATE: Neteller will no longer service US customers, so far as gambling transactions go. So, that blows. That's about all I can say about that. No, it also sucks. It sucks and it blows.

Anticipating today's bad news, my UltimateBet overlords have announced a 100% bonus up to $650 for players who make a deposit using methods other than Neteller. Fight the good fight.

UPDATE AGAIN: DoubleAs makes a couple of points that I cravenly didn't bring up earlier in this post. Namely, shouldn't the WTO get involved here? The two men arrested didn't do anything illegal in their own country, nor did they have any relationship with Neteller besides being shareholders. Neteller is, after all, a publicly-traded company. As Amy Calistri mentioned in one of her PokerNews pieces, if MGM did something naughty, could majority shareholder Kirk Kerkorian find himself surrounded by FBI agents? This assumes a universe where billionaires go to prison. And a government that cares about the rule of law.

Also, isn't the field wide-open for someone to step in and take over for Neteller? As Scott says, you just need to live in a country that won't extradite you and choose not to visit our fair country. One would think some manner of drug lord or cartel or plutocrat would look upon this as an ideal way of diversifying their portfolio. Much preferable to a publicly traded company like Neteller. Prohibition at work.

Suckout City

2007-01-16T23:16:00.000-05:00

To say that I finished 5th in Wil's tournament thanks to some disgusting suckouts does not do justice to the word "disgusting". A word I'm all-too-familiar with.

After losing a race I was down to T235 before beginning my comeback. I don't recall all the ludicrous hands that got me off life support, but I think at least twice I went runner-runner to make a straight when I was dominated preflop. Kept wriggling off hooks. Then I caught a few hands to get some breathing space before going card dead. My lone chance to win the thing passed when I laid down 44 when DuggleBogey (who had about 3/4 of the chips in play) and another player (I forget whom) raised and re-raised. I let my fours go, only to see one pop on the flop. I was just trying to scuttle up the money ladder, and I can't be disappointed with 5th when I should've finished 25th. Nor am I disappointed.

Finished 5th here, won a SNG earlier. And I shouldn't have even been home--I was going to a local blogger/podcaster/media meeting a bar near where I used to live when my car wouldn't start in the subzero temperatures. Been having car trouble lately and I didn't get it looked at today. My bad.

Adjustments?

2007-01-15T09:02:00.000-05:00

With all due respect to John Clayton of ESPN, his analysis of the Patriots-Chargers game is...loony-toony. Why did the Patriots win, according to Clayton? "It's all about adjustments". He gave credit to Belichick and Brady for adjusting during the game while the Chargers didn't.

Uh, no. It wasn't adjustments that allowed the Patriots to win. It was the Chargers playing maybe the stupidest game I've ever seen in my life. They made so many mistakes, so many colossal, inexcusable mistakes that I almost felt sick watching the game--and I could care less if the Chargers win.

The dropped interception deep in Patriot territory in the first quarter.
About 5 dropped passes in the first half.
Not trying the 47-yard FG on the first drive, instead going for it on 4th and 11. And getting sacked
Giving up a touchdown at the very end of the first half.
Dropping a punt and then inexplicably failing to just fall on it.
Sacking Brady to force a punt and then committing the stupidest personal foul I've ever seen.
Committing another stupid personal foul on the extra point to give the Pats good field position.
Philip Rivers having an open field in front of him for an easy 5-yard gain, and instead trying to lob a ludicrous pass to Tomlinson that was picked off.
Making an interception on 4th down when you should've just knocked the ball down--and then fumbling the ball away and giving the ball back to the Patriots.
Challenging the call on that fumbled interception, even though it was plain as the nose on your face that it was indeed a fumble. Cost the Chargers a timeout.
Playing press coverage against Reche Caldwell on 3rd and long, and letting him get off the line of scrimmage without a jam.
Calling a timeout after the clock was stopped for a Patriot injury.
Calling a timeout before the two-minute warning instead of saving it for after so you could save a full 40 seconds. Could've used those two extra timeouts and those extra 20 seconds.

I mean, the Steelers have lost some ghastly games the last few years, but this was like something out of a horror movie. If I'm a Chargers fan I call off work today and stay tucked in the fetal position until noon. And when I finally get up and moving I start a petition to get rid of Marty Schottenheimer. Not to jump on the bash-Marty bandwagon, but I can't see how he survives this loss. The mistakes that were made were mental errors and breakdowns in discipline. That falls on the coach.

So does the clock-management, which was perhaps the worst I've ever seen in my life. After the Patriots kicked the FG the Chargers should've had around 2 minutes to tie or win the game, if they hadn't squandered their timeouts on that idiot challenge and by not having the right personnel on the field after an official timeout for a Patriot injury. There's no excuse for that, none.

And to hear Schottenheimer say after the game that they were "disappointed" with the loss, but that his guys "laid it all on the line" and you can't ask more of them than that...well, if I'm a Charger fan, I go apeshit crazy when I hear that. I can ask that they WIN THE GAME. I can ask that they not make errors you don't see in Pee-Wee football. That wasn't a "disappointing" loss yesterday. That was a killer. That was the worst loss in Charger history.

Odd, isn't it, that everyone talked about how great the AFC is, and how awful the NFC is--and yet the two NFC games were entertaining affairs, while the AFC games were slop-buckets of mistakes and goofs and close-your-eyes awfulness.

How's That Hypocrisy Working For You?

2007-01-13T09:30:00.000-05:00

Nice little piece on ESPN about how the Indianapolis Colts are playing their first playoff game in Baltimore since 1977...when they were the Baltimore Colts. The piece was about how Robert Irsay moved the Colts in the dead of night to Indy, one of the most shameful episodes in sports history. The Colts had a proud history in Baltimore, and as one Baltimore football fan said, "Our heritage was ripped from us".

Very nice little feature. Very well-done. Quite moving.

One little problem.

BALTIMORE STOLE THE BROWNS FROM CLEVELAND!

Remember that, you teary-eyed Baltimorians? The sauce that goes so well with the goose, goes also with the gander! A greedy owner abandons Baltimore for greener pastures, so what does Baltimore do? They go out and find a different greedy owner and steal an even MORE storied and beloved team away from another city!

And not only does ESPN not comment on the irony and base hypocrisy of this, they actually show a highlight where a Raven linebacker sacks Browns quarterback Derek Anderson while this Baltimore fan weeps, "Our heritage was ripped from us".

Was there no editor at ESPN who said, "Whoa, OK, if we're not even going to mention the fact that Baltimore stole the Browns away, how about we not actually show the friggin' Browns on the screen as a reminder? Some self-awareness, people."

To my mind it doesn't matter that the Browns were reconstituted a few years ago and got to keep their name and colors. There was no guarantee the Browns would ever rise from the ashes, and when you look at their record since they re-entered the league, they haven't risen very far.

What happened to Baltimore's Colts was appalling. But if you're a Raven fan, you've surrendered your right to cry about it. Your city did the exact same thing. Whimper about your long-lost Colts, nevermore.

Bereft

2007-01-13T01:52:00.000-05:00

Played a tournament tonight. Tiny buy-in, just played for fun. 2295 starters.

With 200 left I was tenth in chips. I played most of the night at a passive table with the tourney chip leader two to my left, making my blind stealing troublesome. But after I won a couple of huge hands (QQ vs. three players who all had medium aces, then I turned trips against a guy who slowplayed his top pair) I was moved to a new table with a much better setup. Small stacks to my left who didn't want to tangle with me. Why don't we steal away?

Then I'm dealt Ah-8h in middle position. I raise and the one caller is the only guy even close to me in chips. The flop comes A-9-8. I bet, he raises me, I re-raise all-in. He calls. The only hand I was afraid of was pocket nines. He has pocket nines. I don't catch and I'm down to 9K.

The very next hand I'm dealt pocket tens. With two limpers I raise all-in and get a caller with KQ. The flop comes 9-6-10. I hit my set. Ace on the turn, Jack on the river. And I'm out in 151st place. I'm in the top ten, and I'm out in 2 hands.

Feel pretty bloody awful. Played well (relatively speaking) the whole way, with maybe that A-8 hand the only one I'd like to have back. But there was no money except for the final table, and that's what I was fighting for. He could've had AK.

How the hell do you guys who play the big MTTs and live tournaments deal with the crushing of the soul? You're sick.

Gonna start playing more tournaments, tho. Fun. Apart from all that soul-crushing.

Great Moments In Poker

2007-01-12T22:27:00.000-05:00

So I'm playing a HORSE tournament the other day and I've got some chips through the second go-round. We switch to Razz and I'm dealt a deuce and a trey down and an ace up. Very nice. We get to betting and my next card is a six. I bet and get two callers. The guy to my left is showing a nine and a seven. The guy to my right is showing a seven and a king.

My next card is a brick, but the other two guys get even worse cards. I bet, the guy on my left calls, and the guy on my right calls showing 7-K-J. OK. The next card he gets another King. He's showing 7-K-J-K and checks. I get a five, so I have a tasty six-high. I bet, the guy to my left folds...and the guy to my right check-raises me.

Check raises me, even though his board reads 7-K-J-K. And I'm showing A-6-Q-5. Now, I know what's going on here. The guy somehow forgot we're playing Razz. He thinks we're playing Stud or something. OK, brain cramps happen. The next card is dealt and he folds to my bet. I type in chat, "Forgot we were playing Razz?"

He answers, "I had A-5 in the hole."

Ah.

We move to my play tonight. I get aces cracked on the turn with the money in preflop, but luckily the other guy didn't have much money in front of him so it didn't hurt much. I hit a few hands and get myself comfortably in the black. And then comes this hand. I'm dealt pocket fives in the big blind. There's a fairly large raise in early position, one caller before me.

The flop comes A-5-5. The original better makes a pot-sized bet.

Now, this is a dream situation. We both have big stacks. He probably has AK, AQ, maybe even aces. This is a chance to stack him and have myself a really nice night. How to play this? Raise, and maybe get him to re-raise and get it all in right now? Maybe, but I might scare him off. Just call, make him think I have a medium ace (or maybe a medium pair?) and induce another bet after the turn? What to do, what to do...

Sadly, this discussion is moot.

See, I folded preflop.

I have no excuse, even though I'll offer this one up--I was playing three tables and was watching a player have a meltdown at another table (I ended up stacking him a bit later, which brought on another tirade, semi-deserved). I was in the big blind and getting around 3.5 to 1 to call, but of course the implied odds if I hit my set make that a must-call even if I think the other guy has aces.

But I didn't call. After I confessed my donkitude to the table the guy said he had AQ. Might've stacked him. Never gave myself the chance. A lesson learned.

But the Poker Gods smile at the donkey who is humble and accepts his load with a merry whinny. At the table that distracted me I was dealt 55 the very next hand and flopped a set. I didn't win a big pot because the flop came with two hearts and another two popped on the turn and river, cramping my style, but the other guy only had 2nd pair and came along for the ride. So, I still love poker.

Two Hundred And Fifty WHAT?

2007-01-11T10:56:00.000-05:00

I see today that David Beckham is leaving Real Madrid for the L.A. Galaxy. This is a deal that was rumoured (dig that veddy British "u", eh, eh?) for quite a long time and comes as no big surprise. Beckham can't get on the field in Spain, his galactico days are over (some would say they were over before he decamped from Manchester) and he has a soccer academy in L.A. This is a chance for him to conquer some new territory and establish himself in America. Expect to see Victoria and her canteloupian breasts in a number of forgettable flicks very soon.

Here's the part I don't get. At all. I mean, this is incomprehensible. According to the piece, Beckham is "set to earn more than $250 million over the duration of his contract."

TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY MILLION DOLLARS??!! Are you freakin' kidding me? Would you pay $250 million for the entire MLS? Exactly how is Beckham going to generate $50 million in revenue/profit/whatever? Did he agree to allow MLS to harvest his stem cells or something?

I mean, I don't care if the Galaxy go and win five consecutive MLS Cups. Who friggin' cares? Is an MLS title worth fifty million bucks? I think not. There's got to be more to this story than Beckham playing a little footie on this side of the pond and collecting a quarter of a billion dollars.

In the announcement Beckham said this:

"I would like to thank supporters and the people of Madrid who have made my family and I so welcome in my time here making this an extremely difficult decision to make."

Yeah, I'm sure it was SUCH a difficult decision. Hmm...let's see...we can stay in Madrid, where I can ride the bench and get ridiculed in the European press and see my career and legacy waste away...or I can go to America, be treated like royalty, putz around in a 2nd-tier (at best) league and make TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY MILLION DOLLARS. And, let's not forget, moving to L.A. will get my ambitious and show-bizzy wife off of my god-damned back.

Mr. Beckham, I think you made the right choice.

UPDATE: The news that David Beckham is Coming to America is now the goddam lead story on CNN. Ahead of such trifles as our President throwing another 20,000 troops at Iraq in the hopes the situation won't totally disintigrate before he leaves office and dumps his catastrophe on the fool who wins in 2008. Or the fact that Bush now seems especially anxious now to start wars with Iran and/or Syria, news that should make anyone who's been paying attention the last 6 years shit the proverbial milkshake.

Seriously, concerning this escalation in Iraq, I read this over at Matthew Yglesias's blog and it cuts to the chase rather nicely:

So to sum up, neither the American military nor the American congress nor the American people nor the Iraqi government nor the Iraqi public wants an American military escalation. Naturally, we're getting one.

But Becks is coming to play soccer here!! Stop the presses!!

Chris Berman-- Asshole

2007-01-07T11:17:00.000-05:00

On NFL Countdown this morning, Chris Berman said, "With Pittsburgh out of the picture, New England is kind of the defending champions!". What an asshole.

And who the hell cares (besides Berman and the bootlicks at ESPN) if Bill Belichek and Eric Mangini are "feuding"? How about this--how about Belichick and Mangini have a pre-game hug? How about they stare into each other's eyes whispering sweet nothings before they tenderly kiss, maybe with Belichick wiping away a stray tear from Mangini's cheek. Jesus Christ, who cares if these two guys don't like each other? Unless they get into a helmet-swinging brawl on the field, WHO THE HELL CARES??

It's like ESPN's obsession with all things Terrell Owens--WHO THE HELL CARES?? I know, ESPN has 24 hours to fill each day (more if you count ESPN2 and ESPN Radio and the Magazine etc etc) and you can only run SportsCenter, let's see...16 times each day. But they make it sound like breaking news that Terrell Owens is a selfish asshole. First of all, that's news? Second, WHO CARES?

ESPN has an ombudsman named George Solomon, but he's a joke. He makes an appearance every month or so to slap someone on the wrist and waggle his finger, which I'm sure makes everyone in Bristol snap to attention. He never addressed the added chips in the World Series of Poker Main Event, even as Lon MacEachran disgracefully covered it up.

From my own experience three years ago trying to attend the NFL Draft, I know to what magnitude ESPN can suck. At least they don't employ Deion Sanders. That's the best I can say about them right now.

Thirteen Dollars of Pure Profit

2007-01-06T22:23:00.000-05:00

So I'm on a bad streak. Running bad in the cash games, snakebit in the tourneys. Last night I lost with AK to 2-3. Today I had a guy call with AJ against my KK after the flop, and he aced on the river. Then in the other tourney I had chips and my expletive-deleted connection went and stayed went for 2 hours.

I invite the guys over for the playoff games, and Rick likes to play some low-limit tourneys while we watch football. He goes out early a few times before building up a big stack in another 45-person SNG thanks to a miracle 4 on the river that saves his bacon. We make the final table in 2nd chip-position. "Geno, take over," Rick says. "Take it the rest of the way."

Heh heh.

Me and another big stack split a testy pot when we both turn over K-3 on a king-high board. And then, disaster! I have pocket fives and the flop comes A-5-9. There are two hearts on the board and I no longer finesse my sets. I bet out, the chip leader is the only caller. The turn is a blank, I bet the pot, he calls. The flop is a nine, giving me a boat. He checks and I push in my few remaining chips. He has A-9. I finish one off the money.

The pain...the pain...

But we're in another tourney, and Rick goes krayzee. He's stacking people left and right. He's cracking aces, he's trapping with aces. He wins a huge pot when his top two holds up against straight and flush draws. We hit the final table with twice as many chips as everyone else. "Geno, take over!" Rick says.

Can I close the deal?

Oh, how I bulled that final table, how I stole it's lunch money and gave it wedgies! When it got to heads up we were even in chips, but I flopped trip kings and he had a flush draw. I bet, he raised, I pushed, he called...and I turned the case king. Victory, she is mine!

Thirteen dollars of pure profit. Well, twelve dollars and eighty cents. Don't bring me down, man!

Mister Mister

2007-01-06T10:56:00.000-05:00

A couple of months ago I was quoted in a Post-Gazette story about the UIGEA. Good for the ego, except that in the piece I was referred to as "Mr. Bromberg". And that was a bit weird. Made me feel old. And I'm not old. The neverending pain in my shoulders notwithstanding.

I'm not the only one to get the Mister treatment. A few months ago the Post-Gazette changed the way they refer to...human beings. Instead of simply identifying me as "Bromberg", the PG now anoints its subjects with the honorific "Mr" or "Mrs" or "Ms". I think this was to make the PG sound more like the New York Times, the Paper of Record, who also does this.

And who shouldn't. Because it's silly. It's silly, say, to refer to Saddam Hussein as "Mr. Hussein". It's silly to refer to Bill Cowher as "Mr. Cowher", as Bob Smizik had to do 16 times in a column about the Steeler coach stepping down. As I read Smizik's column all those "Mr. Cowher's" became a distraction. I almost thought he was doing it on purpose to piss off his editor. Or his readers.

And it's silly to refer to me as "Mr. Bromberg". The false dignity that using "Mr." bestows is overshadowed by how irritating it is to read over and over again. And let's not forget that newsprint is expensive--there are only so many column inches available. Instead of typing "Mr." 16 times Smizik could've written another whole paragraph of useful words. Think about how much nuance, insight and analysis is being lost over the course of a year because writers have to chop out real words to make space for all those honorifics. No wonder newspapers are struggling so these days. Don't the folks running them think?

Not to Bitch, But...

2007-01-05T20:00:00.000-05:00

One problem that I've identified with my game is this--while I know some folks are terrible players, I give them credit for being good players. When I flop top pair with AK and get re-raised, I can't help but feel that the other guy hit a set. When in fact he has A-4 and seeing that ace gave him a woodie.

I just got knocked out in a SNG by a guy who would min raise every hand and then toss in $30 on every street. Twice I had straight draws that didn't get there, and then I flopped bottom pair, made two pair on the river, and that last card filled in his inside straight. On the hand I got knocked out on I had AK and raised. Another guy re-raised, and Mr. Genius re-re-raised. I was shortstacked so I pushed, the other guy folded and Mr. Genius called off another $600 with...

2-3.

Sooted.

He turned a three and knocked me out. The next hand he called a big all-in with 44 against jacks and made a straight on the turn. Every dog has his day. Every horrible player can get lucky and hit a few hands.

I just need to remember that there are some horrible players out there, and don't be afraid of them. Embrace their horribleness, for therein lies the profit.

Still pissed, tho.

Pittsburgh In Microcosm

2007-01-05T16:10:00.000-05:00

Bill Cowher resigned as Steeler head coach today. He didn't retire. When asked if he was tired of coaching he said, "Do I look burned out?" This time next year he'll be at a press conference announcing his hiring in Carolina, or New York, or Cleveland.

Bill Cowher is doing what hundreds of thousands of Pittsburghers have done the last 25 years or so. He's moving to greener pastures. He's moving to North Carolina where the winters are mild. He couldn't make as much as he wanted here so he'll go somewhere else where he can get the money he wants. That's happened all too often here.

Chuck Noll was hired the year I was born. Bill Cowher was hired the year I graduated from college. Sad to see him go, but we all had a hell of a run the last 15 years.

Au revoir, but not adieu. Gonna be weird rooting against Cowher in 2008.

The Only Game Greater Than Boise State-Oklahoma

2007-01-02T15:32:00.000-05:00

Was played twenty years ago today. Penn State defeated Miami 14-10 to win the 1986 National Championship. If you don't think it was the greatest college football game in history (or the most important, for unfortunate reasons that have nothing to do with the Nittany Lions) then ESPN would like to disagree with you. It's a good piece.

When Giftopoulous picked off that final Testaverde pass I jumped up in the air and cracked my upraised arms against the ceiling. I'd already been accepted at Penn State and beating Miami was so sweet, so very, very sweet.

I have to admit, I'm disturbed that I routinely say that important events in my life "happened twenty years ago". The time, it flies.

Now That Was a Ball Game

2007-01-02T00:52:00.000-05:00

I'm trying to think if I've seen a more exciting football game than the Boise State-Oklahoma game I just watched. I'm trying to think if I've seen three greater playcalls than Boise State made to tie, tie, and win the game. The 2-point conversion play was sheer genius.

To win after blowing an 18-point lead and throwing a Roethlisberger-caliber season-killing pick...and facing 4th and 18...and coming up with a perfect hook-and-lateral...wow. Whatta game.

And then Ian Johnson, who ran for over 100 yards and scored the winning 2-point conversion, proposes to his cheerleader girlfriend while being interviewed by Chris Myers. Who kinda spoiled things by saying, "So now you want to propose to your girlfriend..." Unless Ian asked Myers to set it up like that. And he goes down on one knee and proposes. And she says yes. It was very sweet, and quite spontaneous.

Right Here In River City

2006-12-30T15:58:00.000-05:00

Went to a party last night and brought a case of Yuengling along. There was plenty of beer and my case didn't get drunk, so my hosts said to take it home. Planned on bringing it to our New Year's Eve party tomorrow night.

I went to the library to pick up two CD's I ordered, and when I got home I realized the case wasn't in my back seat. Thought I put it there...but maybe I put it in the trunk instead.

Looked in the trunk. No beer.

My buddy Rick brought a cooler to the party last night and when I dropped him off he opened my right-rear door to get it out. I didn't re-lock that door when I got home (it was still unlocked when I noticed the beer was AWOL), so I think someone in my complex saw that I had a case of beer in the back seat, tested the door, found it open, and made off with it.

That's pretty weak.

They didn't take the six-pack of Wild Cherry Pepsi I had on the floor (didn't have enough free hands to bring it up after shopping the other day) and they didn't take the Polartek jacket with all the cat hair on it. Just the Yuengling.

Well, I'd planned on buying two cases last night, but only bought one. So the robbery could've been twice as bad. I'll just have to go out and get another case. Life goes on.

But from now on, I'll be watching.

Everyone.

Bastards.

Draining the Oasis

2006-12-29T13:48:00.000-05:00

Like Mr. Speaker, I started and abandoned several "Year in Review" posts. I canned them because

I didn't want to write them, and
You don't want to read them

It's been an eventful year for me, and for a change some of those events were actually great. I look back to where I was at this point last year, and I never could've imagined I'd be where I am now. Sitting in sweatpants in front of a computer. Well, I guess I could've imagined that part. Some very sad things have happened recently, and during the last twelve months some crazy stuff has gone down. That's life. But I've been most fortunate this year, and I'm thankful for that.

I dragged myself home after volleyball (and a few beers) last night and decided to play a little poker before hitting the sack. I sat at a table with two of the tastiest, flakiest fish I've seen in many a moon. It takes some doing to blow $70 at a $1/2 table in ten minutes, but these guys pulled it off. I got a bit less than my fair share, and when they left I figured I'd play another orbit and go to sleep.

It was after 1AM so I surfed over to the Post-Gazette website to see what was shaking in the 'Burgh. I read a few articles until I saw the headline for Tony Norman's column: "Closing the Book on Barnes & Noble". I'd been at a Barnes & Noble that very afternoon, which is unusual for me these days. I live close to a Borders and I practically live in the place. But I got a gift card for Christmas and spent an hour at the BN in Fox Chapel.

It wasn't that Barnes & Noble Norman was referring to. It was to my sorrow to read that the Downtown Barnes and Noble is closing it's doors. I spent many, many, many happy hours there. Well, not happy. I don't think I was every happy those days. I had a job I absolutely hated. And I didn't think that I would ever have a job that I didn't hate. I'd just gotten out of grad school and it looked as though it had all been a total waste of time. I was depressed and frustrated and miserable. Snappy dresser though.

At least three times a week I would walk from the US Steel Building down to Smithfield Street and Barnes & Noble. And nourish my soul. All those books. Shelves and shelves of books. The fact that I hadn't written any of these books of course added to my frustration, as did the fact that I'd never had a job that used my writing skills. But, hey, I couldn't hold a grudge. Loved those books too much. Loved some of them so much I had to take them home with me.

Going there was almost like attending church. It wasn't a madhouse. People were usually dressed fairly well. There was soft music piped in. The second I walked in I felt invigorated. It gave me hope that there was more to life than sitting in a box and pressing buttons. The high would stay with me even after I got back to my desk. For a few minutes, anyway.

That bookstore is actually where the seed of my future poker blogging was...planted. What a lazy sentence. Anyway, one afternoon I was wondering through the stacks and came across a book that I now acknowledge as one of the most influential of my life--Poker Nation by Andy Bellin. I came across it right after it was published in March 2002, and I stood in the aisle and read about a quarter of it right there. The next day I gobbled a sandwich at my desk and spent my entire lunch hour in a comfortable chair with Bellin's book. Finished it before I left (though I have bought a copy since then, Mr. Bellin).

And I was hooked. I didn't start this blog or play my first hand of online poker for nearly two years after that. I guess it's true that tiny pebbles make big waves. I think back to that miserable time in my life, and now, four years later, I'm writing about poker for a living. It's a strange world.

It's depressing that a big chain bookstore couldn't survive Downtown. Doesn't speak much for the revitalization we've been hearing about for...ever. But the Barnes & Noble did have a nice little run. Twelve years, I remember when it opened. Can't believe all that time has passed.

I thought about running Downtown today to walk around the Barnes & Noble one last time. But when I read Norman's column he said that the place is pretty much stripped bare, tables piled with half-price books instead of all those inviting shelves laden with literary treasures. It closes for good tomorrow. I think I'd prefer to remember that place as it once was, when it served as an inspiration. And sometimes a lifeboat. I am very sad to know I'll never go there again.

Tip For the Day

2006-12-28T18:27:00.000-05:00

Never use a Sharpie marker while wearing a shirt you like.

That is all.

Well, that's not all. Had on a Polo dress shirt I got a few Christmases ago, was marking a box of new checks "NEW", as if I needed that clarification, and I was holding the box awkwardly and it slipped and I reached for it...and I got a nice black dot right on the shirt. Awesome. Seriously, sometimes I wonder if I'm getting enough oxygen to my brain.

I'll Stick To Online

2006-12-28T10:53:00.000-05:00

A short time after I started blogging I started getting emails from organizations that offer live poker tournaments here in Pittsburgh. This was before the cops cracked down on a a lot of the charity events that were so profitable, but even after that brief application of heat I'd still get emails about local poker action. I never went to any of them, mostly because I really didn't have the bankroll for it.

But also because, well, there was a chance that local law enforcement might get involved. I mean, if they're sending out mass emails telling folks when and where the game is, it seemed likely that eventually that info would find it's way to John Law.

There was another reason I wasn't all too keen to play in these games--if they're sending out these mass emails some enterprising hoods might decide that instead of taking down a bank, a poker game would be a much more inviting target. And as many of these advertised games were in restaurants and VFWs I didn't think their security would be especially robust.

Turns out I was right to be a little bit chicken.

I don't think this is one of the games I received info on, and as Wilkins Township is out of my way I wouldn't have gone there in any case. Doesn't sound like they're recreating the Bellagio out there--20K was taken from 50 guys--but that's a pretty nice score for a trio of thugs.

One place that emails me I always thought had to be a sting operation or something. They have $1,000 buy-in tournaments, $1,000 buy-in NL games, a bad-beat jackpot approaching $20K...in Pittsburgh? And you're advertising this through a mass email? I dunno, I think I'll pass on that one. I wouldn't know who to worry about more--the cops, the robbers, or the players at the table.

My mom asked me once if I played in any of these underground games. Moms worry, you know. So I reassured her by saying, "No, I don't. And if I decided that I was going to play, I'd definitely go out and buy a gun first." Funny, that didn't make her feel much better.

A Question...

2006-12-25T20:38:00.000-05:00

Is Suzy Kolber wearing a wig?

Or, has Suzy Kolber been wearing a wig?

Talk about a change.

Oh, Merry Christmas everyone

The Tsunami

2006-12-23T16:45:00.000-05:00

I'm watching a show on the Discovery channel about the tsunami that hit the Indian Ocean two years ago. They have some footage that I've never seen before and a lot of it is hard to watch. Home video is so ubiquitous these days that it's hard to understand that the people meandering along the beach like your run-of-the-mill tourists are about to die. The waves rumble toward shore and the people look out at the horizon and have no idea that they're doomed.

And then, after the first wave hit and receded, lots of people walked back to the shoreline, thinking that it was over. It wasn't over. Another big wave came and killed lots of those people too. I think I would've kept running until I hit the other side of the island.

So I'm watching the show, which is about one of the most horrible natural disasters in human history, one that killed hundreds of thousands of people...and it goes to a commercial for Fancy Feast cat food. They show a chef grilling a piece of salmon and spooning a citrus reduction over the crosshatched fish, and then it's served to a white Angora cat. I found this juxtaposition somewhat pornographic. I like my cat, and I feed him tidbits from time to time, but why the hell would Fancy Feast want to advertise during a program about the tsunami?

The Sucker Instead of the Suckee

2006-12-23T01:29:00.000-05:00

After running icky playing limit I decided to shift gears and try no-limit for a change. I've always had more success playing no-limit opposed to limit, which I ascribe to the fact that no-limit allows the artist in me more room for imagination and derring-do. Of course the truth is that my limit game sucks and my no-limit game merely sucks less. How I long for the soothing caresses of self-delusion. Poker Tracker pretty much puts the kibosh on that.

So I'm playing tonight and I'm running good, even though I had aces twice and kings once and got zero action. So I'm dealt pocket sevens and I raise. This time I actually get a caller, in the big blind. The flop comes A-3-9 and I lead out. Continuation bet, don't you know. He breaks my heart and calls.

My attention switches to the other table I'm playing when I see that the turn is a magnificent seven. I'm of the opinion that the prettiest set in all of poker are three sevens. Maybe it's the whole slot machine thing, when you hit 777 on the slots that means the money's gonna be pouring into the tray.

So I hit my set and I check it. I'm weak, I'm saying. I took a shot at the pot and missed. It's yours. Take it. This is what I'm hoping to communicate. Me and the other guy have the two biggest stacks at the table--not huge, but we're both up a tidy bit. And I have him covered by a few bucks. He bets about 2/3 of the pot. I've been infected with fancy play syndrome lately and I figure now is no time to get sneaky. I raise. He hits me with a re-raise, and I go all-in. He doesn't insta-call, so I know I'm good. He thinks, thinks, thinks...and he types "trips?". I sigh, knowing that I'm not going to get the rest of his stack...and he calls. The last card is a deuce, he sees that his instincts were correct, and it's ship-it time. Biggest pot I've won in awhile.

Of course I got silly lucky, and the guy stayed long enough for me to see via PT that he had A-3. Tsk tsk. Had he raised me on the flop I would've tossed my hand away and he would've won a tiny pot. Instead he got trappy and got trapped himself. It's the kind of play...I normally would make. Because I suck. Think I mentioned that before.

Craps Hero

2006-12-23T01:01:00.000-05:00

This is a sponsored post for CrapsHero.com

When I was in Vegas last year I found myself mixed up with a group who wanted to go play craps at Casino Royale. I was more exhausted than I’d ever been in my life—no sleep, too much drink, and I’d burned off six gigawatts of nervous energy from the flight and the delight of meeting so many people. I was in no shape to play craps…even if I knew how to play. Which I didn’t.

And still don’t. But there’s a site with the somewhat unfortunate name of Craps Hero (they probably get some interesting Google hits) that explains how to play this fun but intimidating game. I admit to feeling a bit envious as I read accounts of bloggers crowding around a craps table, whooping and hollering and having a sick old time enjoying a game I know zilch about.

Craps Hero explains the rules of the game and provides a quick overview of the odds and payouts involved, along with some pointers on craps etiquette and protocol. It won’t do to make a fool of yourself at the table, something I’d be afraid of doing. The information provided isn’t comprehensive—there’s a note on the “How to Play Craps” page that additional tutorials will be added at a later date. But it does give the novice player enough info to get you started.

It also lists the casinos in Vegas that offer the best craps odds—and Casino Royale is right at the top. So there’s another bit of information worth filing away—when you’re playing craps, hang out with people in the know. They’l1 steer you in the right direction.

Bye Bye Birdie; or, Glad I Didn't Buy That Malkin Jersey

2006-12-20T19:53:00.000-05:00

After 619 years of endless debate and lobbying and whining the Pennsylvania Gaming Control Board awarded the license for Pittsburgh's new slots casino. The license wasn't given to Isle of Capri, who had promised to build a new arena for the Pittsburgh Penguins. The Pens signed an exclusive deal with IOC, and since the didn't get the license, my beloved Penguins are playing their last 40 games in Pittsburgh.

Because they're gone. Gone, gone, gone. I'm sure that Mario Lemieux has had enough. He never wanted to be the owner of a hockey team. He wanted to retire, play golf, collect wines, and spend time with his family. But he made the mistake of being the all-time greatest talent in a sport that is, to use Wayne Gretzky's phrase, a "garage league". Howard Baldwin ran the team into bankruptcy, meaning Lemieux got stiffed on tens of millions the team owed him. Instead of taking pennies on the dollar, Lemieux took the team. He saved the franchise once as a player, and then saved it again as an owner.

He's been fencing with local politicians for years trying to get an arena built. The Civic (sorry, Mellon) Arena is, with all due respect, a dump. Went to a game a few weeks ago and, good Lord, it's a pit of despair. I don't recall if Lemieux missed the boat when PNC Park and Heinz Field were built or if it was Baldwin, but since then Lemieux has found that local politicians are completely unenthused about building a new rink. That's their prerogative. And it's Lemieux prerogative to let the team move.

So the casino plan comes around, Isle of Capri says they'll build a new arena, and Lemieux still can't get the local pols to commit to anything. So the Pens sign an exclusive agreement with IOC. Not long after Canadian billionaire Jim Balsillie comes along and offers to buy the team for $175 million by writing a check. No financing--cash on the barrelhead. Lemieux could be free and clear with the stroke of a pen.

And then the NHL sticks it's nose in and tells Balsillie they'll prevent him from moving the team if there's some theortical sort of arena financing in place. And Balsillie, being an intelligent businessman (they're few and far between in the NHL) knows this is bogus and withdraws his offer three days before the license is decided. And of course today Lemieux learned that the Gaming Control Board cares not a whit if the Penguins leave town.

So they will. I think Lemieux will sell the team to the first buyer who gives him a reasonable deal. And the only buyer who WILL give him a reasonable deal is one who will move the team. Why would someone want to buy the team NOW and keep them in Pittsburgh, with no arena deal in place? There's been talk from the mayor and county executive (we have one of those) about a "Plan B" to finance a new arena, but since there are no particulars about where the money is going to come from the "B" probably stands for "bullshit".

Plus the NHL's meddling really screwed Lemieux. The league will have to hold any new owner to the same terms they stuck Balsillie with, else they'll be sued back to the Stone Age. Which isn't very far back with the NHL. I agree with what Scott Burnside wrote at ESPN, that they'll keep the restrictions in place right to the point where they announce that the team is moving. Because Pittsburgh is no longer a viable location.

So Lemieux got doubly screwed. Screwed when IOC didn't get the license, screwed by the NHL by interfering in the sale of his club. Of course, he also got screwed when Balsillie pulled his offer three days ago. He also got screwed when the NHL decided to allow studio wrestling on ice during most of Lemieux's career. The first good offer he gets, I think he'll wash his hands of NHL ownership and Pittsburgh politics. It's nothing personal. Strictly business.

It's a crying shame. Oh, how I would've enjoyed watching Crosby, Malkin, Staal and Fleury over the next 15 or so years. Instead I'll be watching them on TV (if the NHL is even on TV next year) as they win Stanley Cups in Houston or Kansas City.

So Very Talented

2006-12-19T18:05:00.000-05:00

Played a SNG. In the first 20 hands I was dealt

AA
QQ
AK (twice)
A-10 (rivered Broadway)
77
44 (flopped a set)

I was knocked out in 9th place

I didn't take a single bad beat.

I never got more chips than I started with.

Love this game. Looooove this game.

Sorry I haven't posted much lately, haven't been able to think of anything to write about. But after playing the World's Worst Sit-N-Go I thought I'd bleat a bit about it. Now if you'll excuse me I'm gonna go back into my shell.

The Gift Of Mirth

2006-12-13T19:10:00.000-05:00

The actor Peter Boyle died today. I never watched Everyone Loves Raymond, but Mr. Boyle is responsible for one of the 5 biggest laughing fits I've ever had.

I should say that when I start laughing, I pretty much totally lose control. I'll laugh until I can't breathe. I'll laugh until I'm close to throwing up. I'll laugh so hard my back muscles will seize and my ribs bruise.

So when I watched Young Frankenstein for the first time, and Boyle and Gene Wilder appear on stage oddly wearing top hats and tails, I didn't quite see where the joke was coming from. Nor did I catch on as Wilder sang, "If you're blue and you don't know where to go to, why don't you go where fashion sits..."

And then Boyle, playing the Monster, shrieks "POOOODDINAHHHNTHAAAREEEEEETZ!"

Utter collapse. I think my dad finally told me to either shut the hell up or leave the room.

I'm trying to think of the triggers to my other all-time laughing jags...

The scene in the one Pink Panther movie where Clouseau is swinging back and forth on the parallel bars, gaily reminiscing about his prowess back in the Academy, and then his dismounts off the side...and falls down a hole cut in the floor. He somersaults all the way down to the living room where the guests/suspects are gathered, and he staggers to his feet, tries to collect himself, and says, "That...feels...good!"
The scene in Monty Python's The Meaning of Life where Mr. Creosote goes to the French restaurant, informs the maitre'd that he'd better get a bucket because he's gonna throw up, and, once seated, well, he throws up. My dad actually grabbed me and said, "You gotta see this," after he'd rented it and made sure it was OK for us to see.
The Simpsons where Homer decides to catch up on some reading...and grabs a jar. "Honey roasted peanuts," he declaims. "Ingredients--salt...honey roasting agents...pressed peanut sweepings..." Marge then enters and asks what Homer wants for dinner. "Steak?" Homer chirps. Marge says, "Money's too tight for steak..." "Steak?" Homer interrupts with the same chirpy smile on his face, which shows that he isn't hearing her.
The Saturday Night Live commercial where Will Ferrell tries the breakfast cereal with the special additive MDMA. Better known as Ecstasy. Ferrell then goes to a meeting wearing nothing but bright yellow briefs and a Cat-in-the-Hat hat. I laughed so hard I think my friend Kris was going to call an ambulance.
I'm sure there were scenes in the first Naked Gun movie where I laughed myself insensate, but I can't remember one particular example. But in Top Secret, an earlier Zucker/Abrams/Zucker movie, there's a scene where they sing the East German national anthem with subtitles. I'm not going to quote it all here, I don't think it'll transfer well, but when I saw it I laughed myself nauseous.

So rest in peace, Peter Boyle. His was an illustrious career, and he gifted the world with many giggles and guffaws. Heck, I didn't even mention the scene in Young Frankenstein with him and Gene Hackman...