Mean Gene

Remember How Horrible Dating Was? I Did Tonight

I was hardly the social butterfly in days gone by. Just not part of my personality. I'm the fall-in-love-at-first-sight-and-then-never-talk-to-her sort of guy. I also had an odd tendency to date girls who had serious, long-term boyfriends whom they had no intention of leaving. I remember dining one night at Olive Garden with a fair colleen and having her tell me about something hilarious her boyfriend had done the week before. And I thought, "Boyfriend, what boyfriend?". And then, "Wait, why the hell are we here?". And then, "Does she think I'm gay or something?" And then, "Hey, did she just order another glass of shirazz?".

Why do I dredge up these horrible memories? Because I just had an experience not unlike my barren dating days. I just played in a satellite for Party's Million Dollar Event in July. Ponied up a whole $10 to play for a $640 spot in an event with a REAL payday. I sat down with 280 players at 11:30PM, and finished up about 10 minutes ago. Three hours of nerves, occasional terror, and very occasional delight--and at the end of the night, I ended up with nothing. Exactly like 99% of my dates.

I played tight, tight, tight early on, mostly because I had zero cards. I think I saw one non-blind flop over the first 50 hands (with AQ) and ended up winning about $100. Wowee.

I could not BELIEVE some of the plays. I mean, I'm used to wacko stuff at Party, but this was just ludicrous. Two guys in an unraised pot, flop comes Q-7-4. One guy goes all-in, the other calls. First guy turns over AK, the other turns over KJ. Neither had so much as a pair. How could the other guy CALL that bet? And he ended up spiking his jack and stayed alive. An example of evolution NOT working.

The hands went on and on and on. I didn't play, waiting for that big hand that would gather me chips. I was dealt AA, very sexy, and raised the pot. I waited for my victim to call...and waited...and waited...and everyone folded. Made a whole $45. Yee ha.

My stack slowly dwindled. I think I saw two flops over the next 30 hands and lost a quarter of my stack when I flopped top pair, had the next guy raise me, and had the third guy go all-in. I stepped aside, and trips ended up beating a bluff.

I was alive, but barely. I caught a break when a guy next to me got bounced and there was no big blind the next hand, a blind I would've paid. Down to $485 I had to make a move, and I finally did with pocket 8s. I chased two limpers, but one guy matched my bet and turned over pocket 6s. Sweet. Until he flopped a set. I was swearing and ready to log off when a sweet, glorious eight spiked on the river. A two-outer and I was still alive. Was it...fate?

Fold, fold, fold, fold, fold. More absurd play by my tablemates, all-in bets that defied mere bluffing, calls that boggled the mind. If you a big stack, and a guy with a slightly bigger stack moved in on your, and you only had like $500 in the pot, and you only had king-high with no draws and an ace on the board, would you call? Me neither. But I saw plays like that or worse a half-dozen times. Unreal.

Then things picked up for me. I won a nice pot with pocket kings, won a nice pot with AK when I flopped a king, won a nice pot with jacks when I flopped trips and knocked out a guy who had pocket fives. Built my stack up from nothing to over $10K, and I felt that if I battened down the hatches and played smart I just might cash in this thing. Top four got places in the tournament, and down to #7 got some money.

I took a tough beat when my jacks got beaten by eights when the board came with four diamonds and the bastard had one. That would've given me over $15K, and it maybe led to me making a big mistake. I was dealt jacks again, and guy with about $5K in early position went all-in. If I called and lost I'd be down to about $3K, but if I won I'd be in pretty good shape. I thought it over...and folded. Too many hands he could have that would make it a horse race or worse. Plus there were a bunch of guys still to act with big stacks who might call out of boredom.

The hand that killed me...killed me. Had AK, and after one guy called I raised it 3.5X the big blind, just like Phil Gordon says. The blind called, and so did the first caller. The flop was K-9-7. Top pair, top kicker. I only had about $4500 left and there was more than that in the pot, so I went all-in. The one guy folded, making me very happy...and the second guy called.

He had pocket 7s. I probably would've mucked 7s if I faced a huge raise from a guy playing as tight as me, but he called and made his hand. I didn't get another king, and I was down to $200. Which I lost the next hand.

Three hours, and zilch to show for it. Just like my typical dates. Three hours. It's 3 in the goddam morning. I have my niece birthday party tomorrow. Hello Kitty wall-to-wall. It's gonna be a long day, and I'm up till 3AM.

I did complete my hand requirements for my deposit bonus, and went on a hot streak that won me back all the money I lost the last week. So I can't complain. And I did have a great time in the tournament. Definitely going to play more of the big mulits, or at least the satellites for them. After seeing the way some of these folks play, there's money to be made there. There's fun to be had. And right now, for me at least, there's sleep to be had. A whole five or six hours before the cats and/or the wife wake me and put me to work.

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